August 2001

Why You All Need to Shut Up

I'm quite serious, you all just have to shut up right now. The way I see it, every word out of your mouth accomplishes nothing. You either look dumber than you appear, meaner than you appear, or you're going to get punched. So please take my advice, and just shut up.

Think about it, think all the way back. After age two or three, you stopped sounded cute altogether. It's kinda funny when a little kid opens their mouth and says "pizza!" or "mommy!" or "doo-doo!" But it's just not okay for you to talk after that. The less that comes out of your gaping piehole, the better.

This isn't an artistic statement, but your words are all meaningless. Totally. I mean, if I have to hear your endless dribble even one more time, I might think you are thoroughly insane. You probably are. Pick up sign language, just shut your trap and let me get on with my life. Spare me and everyone else the problems associated with you talking.

Less is more.

PS - Your breath stinks.