October 2001

TEEvee Christians Are Driving Me Insane

I've had it with those preachy-ass Christians on TEEvee. I'm sitting here watching the Trinity Broadcasting Network, which I do often for entertainment. This network has ALL the best wacky Jesus shows, including my favorite Here-Comes-The-Rapture Guy, Jack Van Impe. The only thing this channel is lacking is the light years beyond senile nun on ETWN, the Catholic channel.

TBN is the insane Protestant channel. And boy is it insane.

This is the same network that has produced some movie called "Megiddo". This movie is apparently some inspirational story of Christian triumph over evil in the modern world. I am almost tempted to see it. I mean, that big (and I mean big) blonde-wig-wearing woman almost breaks down and cries when she talks about it, so it's got to be good. I'm not sure if I would leave the theater giggling in my cynicism, or terrified by a self-righteous and oddly persecuted world view.

But that's not what I'm pissed off about today. Today it's the angry preacher Hagee that I'm fuming about. Usually I see him preaching to Jesus Tourists in Israel. But right now he's got this bullshit talk show on. I flipped by it and decided to find out what he was moralizing about. It took 30 seconds to make me angry.

Today's topic is Harry Potter.

Now, I'll be upfront here and say that I have not read any of the Harry Potter books. I refuse to. They are too many words that I don't care about. I only read the funnies. However, many people I know, including my mom and younger siblings have read these books. All the elementary school teachers I know have read them, including ones that teach at Catholic schools. None of these people have suddenly turned into Satanists, as angry preacher John Hagee is putting forth.

All right, back to the show. It opened up with a title graphic that revealed the topic of the show, "Harry Potter: safe or witchcraft?" So this obviously implies a debate. There is no debate. Nobody disagrees on this show. The obvious bias here seems to make this program fraudulent in my mind. But then again, I am biased- I can't stand freaky preachy people telling me what to think.

In angry preacher Hagee's opening comments he links Harry Potter to all sorts of "evils". At one point he accused the use of the "Earth Deity Gaia" as being evil as it links it to the feminist movement and it's evil worship of Gaia. This is news to me. I had always assumed that feminism was based on equal rights, empowerment, the constitution, and all that. My, aren't I naïve?

Also, Harry Potter, besides being an occultist, apparently uses mediation. This, for some reason, is evil. I fail to understand this. I recall from reading things like Augustine, that meditation is an vital tool of faith. Isn't this an essential monastic practice? Isn't prayer meditation? But then again, what do I know? I didn't go to Oral Roberts University.

I am not sure why these folks are so paranoid about all this. Fear, obviously. But fear of what? Is it fear for my soul? No, I don't think so. People are rarely truely converted by intimidation, which is what evangelism tends to be. That whole "do as I say or burn in hell" routine. That seems to be outside the central message of religion, which as far as I can tell is love.

Oh crap, I just heard these people denounce Harry Potter for "attacking the masculine nature of god". Wow, that's barbaric. Also, "Satan is after your children and grandchildren". That's the final message of the program. Then we are pitched a book and tape that tells us how to identify witchcraft, Satan, and other evils and then will tell us how to cast it out of our families. Ah, suddenly the attack on the "marketing of witchcraft" from the beginning of the show makes so much sense. It's all about marketing! Sadly, I already knew that. Every Christian television show wants me to buy something. Does God really need my money that badly?

But I've drifted off topic a tad. I think this is very psychological. Just by saying this, I'm sure, I must be revealing the influence Satan must have over my soul. I'm sure that angry preacher Hagee has much of the same to say about things like psychology and science as a whole as he does to say about Harry Potter. Again, I've drifted off my point. My point is this: what is the need to see evil in almost everything a fundamentalist sees? What is the constant feeling of persecution among the fundamental religious sects on across the world? For TBN it seems obvious to this cynic: it makes them a buck. Preying on the spirituality of anyone for a buck seems sick and twisted to me. It seems garish and, if one actually reads the gospels, contrary to the teachings of Christ. But it can't all be about making a buck. Why is there a "hidden agenda" in so much of our culture, as it is here being alleged about Harry Potter?

This first time I notice this phenomenon was about ten years ago as I was flipping by the 700 Club. There was Pat Robertson, or Jerry Falwell, or whoever, attacking Star Wars for having a hidden agenda. It was the same story as with this nonsense about Harry Potter. The routine with false gods being promoted and all that nonsense. Yoda seemed to talk in vaguely Buddhist overtones, so this was inherently evil. This kind of talk offends me as a human being. This is the kind of talk that enflames hatred and leads to turmoil and violence.

Have these people never heard of fiction? Can't something just be fictional? Why do some people- people who refuse to see analogy in the bible- insist on reading deeply into these works of fiction to find the influence of Satan at the turn of every page? And another thing- what's wrong with people making up their own minds? Do they expect anyone to take them seriously when they say that the world was created in 6 days with dinosaurs being placed in the fossil record as a test to man, and then expect us to see simple popular fiction as Satanic? It really seems sad and desperate to me. I wonder what John Hagee thinks of Galileo, who was cast out of the Church for scientific theory that now appears to be self-evident to us. The Church accepts that the Sun is the center of the solar system and has recanted that the Bible discounts a heliocentric solar system. Would this indicate that Bible can be misinterpreted?

Come to think of it, I doubt that many children would even think of Satan and his dark world if it wasn't for fundamentalists constantly attacking everything as evil. Such talk actually gives credence to a group of people that most of the world regard as D&D playing dorks. But I have to say that now I am almost tempted to read Harry Potter just to see what the stink is all about. Almost.

Now it is not my goal to attack anyone's faith here. I pretty much respect the beliefs of anyone. Humans are intrinsically free to believe whatever we want. And in modern democracy, we are actually free to practice these beliefs. However, I draw the line when people insist on finding evil in everything they don't care for. You are free to tell me that I am evil as I am free to ignore you. Still, all of this book burning and witch hunting is as offensive as it is closed-minded and foolish.