December 2003

2003: Schlomo's Year in Review

My deadline is upon me, and I still have almost nothing to say about 2003. I tried to heed Godzilla's and Grandpa's call for an article about this year of your lord 2003 that is about to end (or has ended if you are late in reading Evil Robots), but it could not come out of me. I took a stab at ranting about this countries third most favorite pastime, nostalgia (eating shit and buying shit are first and second, of course), but the words poured out of me like molasses, or I called it, nostalgic constipation.

Not that I have nothing to say about 2003, but what hasn't been said already. I could catalog all of things that occurred this year, but I will leave that to the experts at the NY Times. I could create a best of list, but I am feeling too wishy-washy, it must be the low holidays. This year was a good one for Lefty and I, but that is getting into the realm of the personal, which is, of course, none of your business. I could try to predict the future, but that is my business.

The question remains: what does Schlomo write about?

So I have broken down the year, month by month, and presented what I remember had occurred (which may be right or wrong, but I do not care), and then provided some commentary.

January: US plans to invade Iraq; world hates US
February: US invades Iraq; world hates US
March: US conquers Iraq: world hates US
April: April is the cruelest month; stand up if you know who said this and why.
May: Spoiled man with silver spoon, who gets his first job at 35, lands on aircraft carrier; decent folks worldwide get sick
June: Schlomo listens to Elephant for 1,000th times; declares it best album ever! He also starts to appreciate Zippy the Pinhead. Coincidence?
July: Lefty and Schlomo go cross country; Lefty and Schlomo realize most of country is pretty fucking boring.
August: Evil Robots PIG ROAST; Godzilla transmogrifies into Senator Gronk
September: Fill it in yourself, dammit!
October: Medicare Bill passes; US says I'm fucked
November: Berkley Breathed returns to Sunday Comics: Lefty, Schlomo, and every other comics loving person are very happy.
December: Saddam Hussein caught, Libya gives up weapons of mass destruction; world momentarily ambivalent about the US.