Febraury 2004

Duped into New Jersey

For me, the year 2003 was dominated by Grandpa's unemployment. Even in late 2002, we knew it was imminent. Grandpa managed to eke out an extra month by hiding at a different office, but the Grim Reaper of Unemployment was smart enough to track him down. After that, 2003 became the Year of the Depressed Husband.

He applied for over a hundred jobs during the year and usually he didn't even get a courtesy response card. One of the few time she did get a card, there was postage due. For Grandpa (and for our recreational spending) the year sucked.

Then in November (a year after the job search began) he got offered a job - in New Jersey. Yes, you read that right. NEW JERSEY. When he told me about the job, I said, "Congratulations, you lazy couch potato. Have a good life in New Jersey." (You couldn't have possibly expected me to go with him. Seriously, New Jersey smells almost bad enough to be Delaware.)

So, Grandpa took his new earnings and paid my landlord to shut off the heat. Baltimore started seeming like the worst city in America. In fact, I changed all of their "greatest city" bragging benches to say so. When I had gotten cold enough to look like Smurfette, Grandpa called. He told me about how the toxic waste in New Jersey's waters turned them into man-made hot springs. He sounded relaxed…and warm. I caved in and came north.

But when I found out that he was responsible for my heat getting turned off in Baltimore, I started packing my bags to leave him. Until I realized that I spent the last of my money on electric-blanket-lined-pants and then on moving. Damn! I'm stuck with Grandpa until I get some money again. (Anyone want some used bun-warming pants? They're toasty good!)

Oh well, even if Grandpa is a liar and a cheat, he was telling the truth about one thing. New Jersey has some damn good hot springs - even phosphorescent ones if you're close enough to the plant.