Summer 2004

Seriously, What About Bob?

Bobs everywhere have been denied their rightful recognition for too long. They enjoyed a brief flirtation with the limelight a few years ago with a line of products and books celebrating their seeming pedestrianism. That, sadly, died out much too quickly.

I am not a Bob. Unless I take legal action, I'll never be a Bob. I realize my lot in life is to simply befriend Bobs, because that'll be enough. Most of them can't comprehend their importance to the human race.

First, there's 7-11 Bob. Before I go any further, I have had to classify all the Bobs I've ever known by using some descriptor. 7-11 Bob is an older gentleman who still works there part-time. He hails originally from Massachusetts, and is the kindest soul around. He was always willing to cash a personal check when I needed some dough.

I would kick myself if I didn't mention Ol'Bob, who is a Bob I met while working in Japan. Ol' Bob really isn't that old (he's in his sixties), but it's more of a title that befits his carriage. He's affable, kind, courteous, and a true gentle person. He reminds me of a one year-old Chocolate Labrador Retriever. He hails from Arkansas and claims to be of "Magyar and Irish stock". He enjoys cooking and teaching Tech. Ed.

Believe it or not, there is also a horse named Bob in my past. In our community, when I was a kid, a neighbor at the end of the street had about 2 acres of land. One acre was for her house, and the other was for Bob the horse. My dad was a bigger fan of Bob than I was, because, for my dad's money, there wasn't any better soil mixture for his garden than horseshit and compost. Bob was about 25 when he died, and my dad has been despondent ever since.

Little Bob is a kid I met while working in an after school daycare program. Little Bob was 6 or 7 and I was going to grad school at the time. He was pretty puny for his age, but his voice was arguably lower than mine. He was a funny kid, and had a pretty sharp wit for a first grader. I think he's in 7th grade now. He probably still has the same bowl haircut.

For now, I'll end with Bob "Go with Bob" M. Bob "Go with Bob" was a youth director of my church when I was in high school. His co-director was Madeleine. He was youngish but wise and he was a true role model. Plus, he later married Madeleine and then had 5 kids together. Good job, Bob!

God-willing, these won't be the only Bobs in my life. They've always provided me with a sense of security. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go. I have a meeting with the Bobs.