December 2004

A Commuter's Christmas

Spending most of my non-work hours either on the train or at the ticket machines has diminished my holiday shopping season. I would have forgotten about Christmas altogether if one of my trains didn't pass a brightly lit Christmas tree in a tunnel under the Hudson River. (Feliz Navidad, Port Authority!) But I can't very well show up with a bundle of train tickets to pass off as presents, so I had to come up with an alternate shopping plan.

At least while I'm on the train I get to keep up with all the hot items that everyone wants. The ads are everywhere -- tickets to Broadway shows, a ski vacation, financial planning, free checking, the Club, 9-11 grief counseling. Something for everyone! The only problem is that the train has the ads, but no product.

Why don't the trains take a lesson from airlines & have a catalog at every seat on the train? They'd make so much money from the commuters that they could tell the government where to stick their lousy insufficient budgets. And I could flip through the catalog & finish my Christmas shopping on my way to work.

Even better, they could fill up a spare car with all of the products from the catalog so you could have immediate delivery of your order. Imagine the special present-delivery conductors running through the train dressed like elves. It's pure genius.

There should also be a rewards program. Like earning points toward train tickets with every dollar you spend. Or preferred customers get reserved seating on the weekend trains coming back from New York City at night. No more standing in the vestibule for me!

It doesn't seem like they're really on top of this vast demand for new commuter shopping services. So, I may just be getting you train tickets after all.