December 2004

2004 in Review: Grandpa Quizes The Staff

BY THE STAFF

1) Best book you read this year (if you read)

Grandpa: "The Blind Watchmaker" by Richard Dawkins. It was by far the most engrossing and enjoyable book I've read in a long time. I also read the short-story, "Nightfall" by Azimov, which creeped me out.

Godzilla: This took no thinking. It was "The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay" by Michael Chabon. It was both a best seller and a Pulitzer winner a few years ago, and I can see why. It's, basically, about a young man and his cousin, who fled the Nazis in Prague who start their own comic book company in New York in the late 30's/early 40's. It's quite an adventure that has the feel of an old pulp novel, but has quite a bit more depth. I'm convinced that this is why Spiderman 2 was better than the first, as Chabon was a screenwriter for the second.

Duckfat: I read a lot of fluff this year: kids' books, Terry Pratchett's Discworld books and the like, as well as foodie memoirs and so on. The best book I read is prolly a tie between "Enchanted Night" by Steven Millhauser, a perfect little novel about a New England town going pleasantly mad under a full moon, or Ian McEwan's "Atonement", the best Victorian novel written in 100 years.

Bigfoot: "Nine Hills to Nambonkaha" by Sarah Erdman. This book made me seriously wish I had spent the years right after undergrad in the Peace Corps instead of working shit jobs in the US. And into the NOT-best reading category goes the 475 pages of nonsense I had to read for school over Thanksgiving weekend. Damn that research pack!

2) Best music you heard

Grandpa:
Live - Franz Ferdinand with Sons and Daughters in Philly this summer. Small club, loud bands, sexy results!

Old - BBC Sessions by the Passage. "Make despair and event / Take it out on your friends / Shave your head!" Recording back in the late 70's and early 80's, the Passage recorded teenage mad-scientist music, and has set me on a musical journey which includes Wire and the Fall.

New - A close vote between Franz Ferdinand and the Zutons "Who Killed the Zutons?", both of which make me happier than I can explain.

Godzilla: This is either The Gotan Project or The Arcade Fire Good to great albums came out by The Walkmen, Interpol, Tortoise, Wilco, Swayzak and others, but were not completely new to my ears. Both The Gotan Project and The Arcade Fire blew me away.

Duckfat: Thanks to the Deluxe Ultra This-Time-with-Feeling 25th Anniversary Super Huge Big Mega edition of "London Calling", I've rediscovered "London Calling" in a big way. It's just a perfect fucking album.

Best new music I heard is probably Arcade Fire's "Funeral".

Best musical experience might be blaring the Dead Kennedy's "Kill the Poor" from my car stereo on November 3rd. O, irony, you're the bestest! *SMOOCHES!*

Bigfoot: The Rosebuds (live at Maxwell's in Hoboken). Small band; loud sound; keyboards taking the place of bass guitar. Rocking out seriously. What else can I say?

3) Something you intended to do, but never got to (reading book, getting revenge)?

Grandpa: Every time I go to wedding or a funeral, I spend half my time thinking about how ridiculous the idea of God is, and every time it makes me feel guilty. I made a promise to myself that I'd be good this year at the many weddings and the funeral I attended. Oops.

Godzilla: Go to Hawaii. I always mean to do that.

Duckfat: Er. Ditching the crap job I got after I lost my last crap job and getting a job that's not crap.

Bigfoot: Get a magic extendo-apartment. As your junk grows, your apartment expands to fit. It's sort of the home version of elastic waist pants.

4) Who do you blame for Bush being in office?

Grandpa: I blame myself.

Godzilla: Stupid Americans, as created by the Republicans that refuse to provide for adequate public education, thus turning vast numbers of Americans into the kind of uniformed, incurious people who vote Republican. Also, Baby Boomers, who are the most irresponsible generation in American history. And Bud Selig for not making Bush the Commissioner of Baseball several years ago when he expressed interest.

Duckfat: You want the long version or the short version?

Short version: Idiots.

Long version: My best guess is that Bush appeals to people because he's simple. He doesn't complicate things. "We're fighting terrorists because they are evil and that other guy is trying to confuse you with fuzzy math and inconsistent statements based on events as they happen rather than a faith in Gawd, who, by the way, picked me to be president." Mentally, he's the path of least resistance, providing a couple pet phrases and a morally unambiguous (if not always moral) platform for folks to stand on. In the end, I guess, I blame Bush's re-election on folks' belief that anyone portraying the word as the complicated place it is is just trying to obfuscate the facts. It's a deep-rooted distrust of "intellectualism" that's quite popular in the US and is just not cute anymore.

Bigfoot: Lousy Americans!! You want an evil moron in office, then go ahead & take him. I'm planning a secession movement to start a country for sensible people who care about people instead of just fetuses.

5) What do you want most for a present?

Grandpa: I'd like the December 27, 2004 cover of the New York Times to read: "President Bush Declares: I'm an atheist! President Promises to Stop Destroying the Country" That would rock like socks in a box.

Godzilla: Your two front teeth.

Or maybe a naked lady.

Or maybe a Daisy Red Rider BB gun with a carbine pump and a compass in the stock.

Duckfat: $4,100,000. I'm trying to buy a house, see. I found one I'd be quite comfortable in for $4,100,000. Pony up, bitches.

Bigfoot: For the 33rd St. PATH train to go all the way to Newark.

6) Making any resolutions?

Grandpa: I resolve to sleep in on more Saturdays, attend my brother's Pig Roast in August, and write at least six Sola Cola Chapters.

Oh yeah, and with the help of the new Blue Party, turn the Republicans on their ears.

Godzilla: I was going to, but I forgot what they were. Actually, I never make resolutions, because I know I will almost immediately break any promise I make to myself. I, generally speaking, do whatever the hell I want no matter what anybody says, even myself.

Duckfat: Nope. I'm making a couple pates, though.

Bigfoot: Just 1024 x 768.