May/June 2006: 7th Anniversary Spectacular

Staff Pop Quiz!

1. When Godzilla creates a new religion (this is happening!), what role would you like to have? (Or would you prefer to simply be a member of the congregation?)

Bigfoot
Oooo ooo ooo! Pick me for bell ringing duty!! Or if you don't call people to service with a bell, then maybe I could be the one to spike the drinks??

Grandpa
I shall punish the heretics.

Pixie
I should be the hot icon that draws in the questionable men that needs 'religious' healing. This is about my ego, people, lets pretend I'm hot.

Chimpy
I'd much rather be a sheep than a shepherd. Sheep get way more ass.

Schlomo
Lord High Inquisitor of Those Whose Little Faith Defiles and Defecates the Wonderful and Powerful Grand Wizard

Lefty
OOH!!! Can I be an Alter-Boy

Mr. Joshua did not submit and answer to this question, so he has been assigned the duties of washing his brother's feet.

Godzilla
I have yet to decide if I shall be the deity or merely make a deity up and thus be the high prophet. This is a tough decisions, though it seems that the people who decided to be prophets are generally more successful than those who claim to be deities.

2. What is the best cure for sunburn?

Grandpa
Bigfoot knows best. I share my secret only with her (and anyone who's been reading since 2000.)

Pixie
First, do not drink a pina colada and point at the fat women in bikinis in front of you. That does not help at all. I highly recommend buying as much triple antibiotic cream you can get your hands on, aveeno bath stuff to sooth your skin, and someone willing to let you bitch about the endless pain. Finally, take two Tylenol and don't go to work or wear high heals.

Chimpy
Fix me a drink and I'll tell you.

Bigfoot
Uh. As a faithful ERI follower for many years now, I can tell you without a doubt that the ONLY truly effective cure for sunburn is to rub Grandpa's genitals. Anything else is just a waste of time.

Schlomo
Don't sit on the fucking beach for six hours, moron!

Lefty
"Crisco: As soon as you sizzle, you move your ass." -L. Black

Mr. Joshua did not submit an answer to this question, thus his sunburns will be cured with a swift slap to the affected area.

Godzilla
Generally speaking, I find that half a bottle of tequila and 2 quarts of limeade pretty much solve any problem.

3. Thinking about Godzilla and/or Grandpa, you are bound to smile. Why do those two make you feel so good?

Grandpa
I pleasure myself. Duh!

Bigfoot
They're like two pixies floating on clouds and bouncing off moon beams! Who doesn't feel all warm inside when thinking about all the old fun with those two, like placing tiny ads in newspapers, having cheese overdoses, breaking news on the right wing syphilis scandal, or telling us tales of the future? Or maybe it's all the sunburn help I get from Grandpa. Oh, shit! Take me away to the Sola Cola station pronto! I need to talk to Cory about some cryptic messages of serenity I'm getting through my ERI communications. Maybe we can incorporate it into a new soft drink…

Chimpy
I think it's all that ether in my ventilation system.

Pixie
You bitches don't bring me flowers. Typical.

Schlomo
They funny.

Lefty
How can something so wrong for you be so right.

Mr. Joshua likes to be told what to do by smarter people.

Godzilla
The passionate relationship I have with myself knows no bounds. Also, Grandpa sure does know how to handle a set of testicles.