June 2003

Hella Rap Battle!

Bootylicious
Movies are fun.
Movies are great.
Come over on Sunday
And don't be late.

Films are funny.
Films start at 5.
Bring some beer.
My name's not Clive.

We'll relax.
We'll have good times.
Hope you can come
And that you like my rhymes.

Godzilla
My name is Godzilla and I'm here to say
the way you rhyme is totally gay.
I know you think you can run a class,
but my rhymes totally school your ass.
Invite over Chimpy, he ain't so dumb.
Or take off yo' pants and sit on yo' thumb.

brrrr-ha-ha, stickem!

Yeah, I'll be there.

Bootylicious
Duh, I say
To your dumb request.
Chimpy's already said
He'd be our guest.

He's already got
His movie picked out.
So nanny nanny boo boo
You smell like a trout.

So-And-So can't make it.
She's got other plans.
MC Paul likes beer
In bottles or cans.

Bring it, bitch.

Godzilla
Yo, I just said Chimpy.
Why you gotta freak-out like Ren's friend Stimpy?
And I know what MC Paul likes to drink.
Damn, Bootylicious, your rhymes stink.

Hella rap battle!

Bootylicious
YOU stink.
You wear pink.
You need a drink.
You are a dink.
And a fink.
And you wear mink.
You're loud when you Tink-le.
You can't wink.
You only blink.
Eat more zinc.
That was a funny link.

Godzilla
Aw snap, guess what I saw.
Bootylicious get punched in the mouth.
Cuz she's corny like Hee Haw,
and her breath reeks of slaw gone south.

Bootylicious
Wild wild west
Why you gotta test?

Informer...
You're getting warmer.

Stop, collaborate and listen
Godzilla's rhymes have something missin'.

It takes two to make a thang go right,
C'mon G, you wanna fight?

Godzilla
And I ran, I ran so far away
cuz, like A Flock of Seagulls,
Your rhymes are gay.

Der Kommisar.
I ran so far.

Tick tock,
Bootylicious, please stop.
Your rhymes don't rock.

This Fat Boy is Back.
In an all out rhyme attack.

Bootylicious
There's a girl in yellow.
She said "Hello,
Come sit next to me, you fine fellow."
I went over there without a second to lose
But Godzilla's too lame to Bust a Move.
If you want it
You got it.
If you want it
Baby you got it.

I wish I was a little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
G's bad rhymes make me want to holler.

Godzilla
Don't Blame It On the Rain
that you dwell in a House of Pain.
Be cryin' "Ow, that hurt"
When I slam your face in a pile of dirt.
If you got paid for what you rhyme
You wouldn't have 3 nickels and a dime.
Your rhymes be livin' on the ground floor.
Eating out of dumpsters with the poor.
Your skill set is well below average,
Not even qualified to serve up a beverage.

I wear suits worth a thousand dolla.
You, Bootylicious, be livin' in squalla.
My rhymes are dope, my science is tight,
And like Rhonda Scheer- up all night.
My rhymes be blowin' off your socks,
While yours in an alley, suckin' on cocks.
Girl, you ain't got nothin' on me,
Not even when quotin' Young MC.

Bootylicious, I hope you learned your lesson,
Cuz next time I be comin' with Smith & Wesson.

Jelly Bean, OUT!

Bootylicious
G drives me crazy
Hoo hoo hoo
That short brown hair
Hoo hoo hoo
He drives me crazy
and he can't help himself
Hoo hoo hoo

Godzilla
Yo, Lady, you got a problem
and you need to solve it.
Check this out-
Your rhyme is bullshit.
I know you think you love me,
But you're a married woman, see.
It wouldn't matter if you were single,
Cuz your rhyming is as bland as a pringle.
I drive you crazy-
I'm hard to resis'.
But you need to remember-
U CAN'T TOUCH THIS!

do-do-de-do. de-do.

can't touch this.

Bootylicious
Pringles are good.
Pringles are great.
I love 'em so much
I'd take them on a date.

The are so salty.
I love them a bunch
Unlike Fritos
Pringles go with lunch.

Godzilla
Yeah, Fritos are for dummies.
Who like putting trash in their tummies.
But Pringles provide the ultimate prank.
One worse than just mere stank.
You open the bottom and remove several chip,
The reseal inside your own putrid brown dip.
The joke is the turd in the bottom, not the top.
Cuz once you pop, you can't stop.

Yelled from a window
You kids shut up! Stop yelling your disgusting poems!

Godzilla
Poems? This is a Rap Battle, beotch!

Yelled from a window
Wow, I'm really sorry. You guys did have a meaningful and intense "House Party" thing going on. I sure as hell am truly grieved that I could ruin such a beautiful moment.

Kid, Play- I apologize.

Godzilla
You apologize?
You better recognize!
Oh, it's back.
And that's a fact.

Bootylicious
Back in black
You are so wack.
Go sit on a tack.
I have a rack.

You think you're smart.
You shop at Kmart.
I'm not a tart.
Don't even start.

Godzilla
What? You're from outer space!
But you're no space ghost.
Nor Jan. Nor Jace.

You're Blip the Monkey.
Squeeking incoherently.
Yo' smell the only thing funky.

But my rhymes be more evil than zorak.
Takin' over the universe,
In an all out rap attack.

Bootylicious
Hip hop hooray
Bootylicious saved the day!
You're left in dismay
And you're stinkay!

You didn't know?
You've go no flow.
Homer says D'oh!
Ding dong, yo!

Godzilla
No, you ain't got no flow,
Livin' at the end of the Metro.
Outside the Beltway.
Out in the sticks, eatin' hay.

I'm comin' straight outta DC,
With mad flava, you gotta heed me.
I'm representin' northwest-
Cream of the crop, best of the best.

You're representin' soccer moms,
14 year old 11pm peeping toms.
While me and Lorenzo
Rollin' up 14th in the Benzo.

Bootylicious
The Mixing Bowl's like a roller coasta'
Watch out, 'cause I'm gonna toast ya.

Cruisin' with the top down in my TT
Wearin' my shades looking so pretty.

Rub a dub dub, chillin' in the hot tub.
Like TLC, I don't want no scrub.

Think about that, Northwest DC.
C'mon, re-elect Marion Barry!

Godzilla
What you say is a total joke.
The only thing sweet 'round here is my Cherry Coke.
When I drop my top and roll down Connecticut,
All the ladies quiver, feelin' it in the butt.

You ain't got no power.
The most fun in Springfield is a shower.
In DC we're keepin' it real in the streets,
While out in the burbs, ya'll be nursin' off our teats.

Check it, one two, one two.
To NoVA I say: Screw You!
Ya'll ain't nothin' but borin' suckas.
While DC is full of hard livin' mothafuckas!

Bootylicious
Traffic and potholes on every block.
Like a pinch on the neck from Mr. Spock.
Nightmare DMV and inspection stations
This is the capital of our nation?

While Springfield holds no place in my heart,
It was a damn good place to start.
Stop your cryin' and belly achin'
In your boots you'll soon be quakin'.

Cherry Coke sucks and everybody knows it
Zilla tries to rhyme but he just blows it.
I like baths and I like showers
Now you know who's got the power!

Godzilla
Whateva. What I have to say ain't no stumper.
Northern Virginia can take it in the dumper.
Ya'll drive like jerks,
40 year olds wear socks with Burks.

But at least ya'll ain't no central Jersey.
Their finga's in my eye and I cry "Mercy!"
They still wear denim that's been acid treated.
What asshole wear jeans that's pleated?

You got enough sense to not live there.
Clearly, your life is worthy to spare.
But the quality of your rhymes is low,
And your voice sounds like a broken dobro.

Bootylicious
What the fuck is a dobro?
What's your damage you psycho?

Flourescent off the shoulder sweatshirt
That's what G wears, that jerk.
You think you are in Flashdance
Legwarmers have you in a trance.

Shoulder pads and one glove
Rhinestone gear is what you love.
Red leather jackets in the shape of a V
Guys like that are so skeevy.

Mullet hairdo's and a zipper cut
Parachute pants to hide your butt.
Don't just stand there let's get to it
Bootylicious is great--everybody knew it!

Godzilla
Oh my, that volley was lame.
I've never heard rhymes so tame.
I've seen more vicious attack from infants.
Hold still- prepare to be kicked in the pants.

I don't have time to educate.
Go to your high school and demand a rebate.
You so clearly show that you are dumb.
Add bad taste to a low IG and you're the sum.

You are clearly not my equal.
I'm like Jaws and you're the 4th sequel.
I rip my targets limb from limb.
You're Michael Cain in the Caribbean.

My success rate is 100% all the time.
You're struggling to even find words that rhyme.
Your mealy-mouthed bumbling shows no skill.
Watch out, bitch, I'm going for the kill.

You have no recourse, no dignity to save.
By now you must know you've dug your own grave.
My tight science is a spear through your heart.
You'll barely be remembered, my fame is off the chart.

When you're gone nobody'll be crying.
Do you remember "As I Lay Dying"?
When a corpse gave a narrative bit?
Well, why don't you tell us about it?

Cuz after what I've said,
You can only be dead.
After such a vicious attack,
There's no way you're coming back.

Bootylicious
Your awareness is not phonemic
Pasty skin makes you look anemic.
You ate a burger with a maggot
You are no funnier than Bob Sagat.

America's Funniest Home videos
Your rhymes are so shitty, yo!
Bubble gum bubble gum in a dish
To be like me is your wish.

The Olsen twins are so creepy
Man, your rhymes are makin' me sleepy.
Yawn yawn, Am I bored!
Those last "poems" made me snore.

Dukes of Hazzard and Laverne and Shirley
Your head's in a toilet for a swirly.
Shirley, Roger and Ree Run,
You might as well give up now, son.

Godzilla
Half the time you're not even sayin' nothin'.
Pointless like chicken without the stovetop stuffin'.
You just go round & roun',
Twirling, twirling like a clown.

The Olsen Twins, what a non sequitor.
I'll stomp you like a mayan, I'm a conquistador.
If you were a race, I'd be committing genocide.
For mercy, call Dr. Kovorkian, try suicide.

You're clearly getting weaker.
Fading like a blown speaker.
Your mind is going like a scotch guard huffer.
Is it your goal to suffer?

Your rhymes are like Fruit Stripes Gum.
Full of flava for a second, then ho-hum.
You're done, you've lost your stamina.
For god's sake, I'm slamin' ya.

Give it up, retire to a home.
It's about time to end this tome.
You've got no more fuel to spend.
Why don't you just give up, say "the end"?