November 2001

Killin' Time at Work

Mr. Joshua:
Did you read Paul Krugman's column in the New York Times today? It was interesting- about how those damn republicans are fucking up Argentina.

Godzilla:
They fuck up everything. Well, at least Virginia's got a Democrat governor again.

Mr. Joshua:
Kick-ass

Godzilla:
Kick-ass, indeed.

Dude, listen to how sucky my commute was this morning. I took the train in, but it was tricky. I slept in an extra 5 because I found a bus pass on the sidewalk the other night. So I didn't have to walk to the metro station except a single block. So I took the bus up, then walked over to the Columbia Heights station. So far so good. Then I got on the inbound green line. Still good I got off at Gallery Place to switch to the red line. This is when it got sucky. I got up to the platform just as a train pulled out. IRRITATING! But then another train pulled in behind it. Now, at this point I had about 12 minutes to get on the MARC. So then, of course, the metro train just sat there and didn't open the doors for like a minute. That was obnoxious. So then I got on and it still just sat there. There was some problem with the front car doors, so people were slowly filtering towards the back. The train sat in the station for 3-5 minutes. By the time it started going I had 8 minutes. I got to the Union Station metro stop and I had about 2 minutes left. I pretty much had to hustle to the platform- a far platform, of course, and just barely got on the train in time. It started moving as I sat down.

Sheesh. Mind you, I didn't run at all during this entire ordeal. Running for buses and subways is a completely loss of human dignity. Trains too, I think. But not planes… but only if you run and knock people over like OJ in a Hertz commercial.

However, the train did have 3 locomotives. Rock on.

Mr. Joshua:
You are odd.

Godzilla:
Shut up. Trains are way cool, and you know it. Maybe next time you go north of Baltimore to hang out up there you should take the train.

Mr. Joshua:
Nah, our pal up there says it's a sucky trip.

Godzilla:
What does he know? It would suck as a regular commute, but not too bad as a joy-ride. TRAINS GO FAST!

Mr. Joshua:
He used to take it to DC and back when at school.

Godzilla:
Right. That ride would suck every day. Just like taking the train, or even a jet, to NYC every day would suck. But when it's only once in a while, it rocks. Riding trains is cool and you know it. Don't argue with me, boy.

OK, here's an idea for fun. Over the summer, Amtrak had some kind of 2-for-1ish ticket deal on the Acela from DC to NYC. We should look out for that. Then you and I could take a day and take the cool train to NYC, goof off, then come home. Now that would be a cool train ride.

Mr. Joshua:
Yes it would. Dude, I'll be back in a bit. Off to get new tires.

Godzilla:
Kick-ass. I just looked at the Amtrak rail sale page. DC to Cincinnati is $11.70 until the end of the month.

Mr. Joshua:
Kick-ass indeed.

Godzilla:
I know everything.

I am also going to look for very cheap airfare. Still, I'd like to just take the train places just because it costs 11 bucks.

Mr. Joshua:
No, you think that you know everything.

Godzilla:
Says you.

Mr. Joshua:
Dammit. I have to fly to Wisconsin this weekend. At least it's on the company dime.

Godzilla:
Sucker. Hey, did you see that new show "24" on FOX the other night?

Mr. Joshua:
Nope.

Godzilla:
Well, it rocks. It's like Ice-T's "Players", except that it doesn't suck.

Mr. Joshua:
What?

Godzilla:
http://www.mca.com/tv/players/

Mr. Joshua:
Oh. Fuck you.

Godzilla:
Shut up. That show was great. Well, I thought so. But then again, I never saw it sober.

Mr. Joshua:
I did. It sucked.

Godzilla:
No it didn't. In fact, you suck.

Mr. Joshua:
Watch it sober. You will agree.

Godzilla:
I refuse.

Mr. Joshua:
You're an idiot.

Godzilla:
Like your opinion is even valid here. When we were kids you used to make me watch Mancuso, FBI starring Robert Loggia.

Mr. Joshua:
I had my reasons. Mostly revenge. Anyhow, Ice-T is good in everything.

Godzilla:
That we can all agree on. Especially…

Mr. Joshua:
Except "The Players".

Godzilla:
Mancuso sucks more.

Mr. Joshua:
Probably. But…

I, I, I, I shot the sheriff

Lord, I didn't shot the deputy

Godzilla:
I had me a pork BBQ sammich for lunch today. Tonight I am going out. I win.

Mr. Joshua:
Get up. Get into it. Get involved.

Godzilla:
You are now about to witness the strength of street knowledge…

Verse One: Ice Cube

Straight outta Compton, crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube
From the gang called Niggaz With Attitudes
When I'm called off, I got a sawed off
Squeeze the trigger, and bodies are hauled off
You too, boy, if ya fuck with me
The police are gonna hafta come and get me
Off yo ass, that's how I'm goin out
For the punk motherfuckers that's showin out
Niggaz start to mumble, they wanna rumble
Mix em and cook em in a pot like gumbo
Goin off on a motherfucker like that
with a gat that's pointed at yo ass
So give it up smooth
Ain't no tellin when I'm down for a jack move
Here's a murder rap to keep yo dancin
with a crime record like Charles Manson
AK-47 is the tool
Don't make me act the motherfuckin fool
Me you can go toe to toe, no maybe
I'm knockin niggaz out tha box, daily
yo weekly, monthly and yearly
until them dumb motherfuckers see clearly
that I'm down with the capital C-P-T
Boy you can't fuck with me
So when I'm in your neighborhood, you better duck
Coz Ice Cube is crazy as fuck
As I leave, believe I'm stompin
but when I come back, boy, I'm comin straight outta Compton

Chorus:

[City of Compton, City of Compton]

[Eazy E] Yo Ren
[MC Ren] Whassup?
[Eazy E] Tell em where you from!

Verse Two: MC Ren

Straight outta Compton, another crazy ass nigga
More punks I smoke, yo, my rep gets bigger
I'm a bad motherfucker and you know this
But the pussy ass niggaz don't show this
But I don't give a fuck, I'ma make my snaps
If not from the records, from jackin the crops
Just like burglary, the definition is 'jackin'
And when illegally armed it's called 'packin'
Shoot a motherfucker in a minute
I find a good piece o' pussy, I go up in it
So if you're at a show in the front row
I'm a call you a bitch or dirty-ass ho
You'll probably get mad like a bitch is supposed to
But that shows me, slut, you're composed to
a crazy muthafucker from tha street
Attitude legit cause I'm tearin up shit
MC Ren controls the automatic
For any dumb muthafucker that starts static
Not the right hand cause I'm the hand itself
every time I pull a AK off the shelf
The security is maximum and that's a law
R-E-N spells Ren but I'm raw
See, coz I'm the motherfuckin villain
The definition is clear, you're the witness of a killin
that's takin place without a clue
And once you're on the scope, your ass is through
Look, you might take it as a trip
but a nigga like Ren is on a gangsta tip
Straight outta Compton...

Chorus:

[City of Compton, City of Compton]

[Dr. Dre] Eazy is his name and the boy is comin...
Verse Three: Eazy-E

…straight outta Compton
is a brotha that'll smother yo' mother
and make ya sister think I love her
Dangerous motherfucker raises hell
And if I ever get caught I make bail
See, I don't give a fuck, that's the problem
I see a motherfuckin cop I don't dodge him
But I'm smart, lay low, creep a while
And when I see a punk pass, I smile
To me it's kinda funny, the attitude showin a nigga drivin
but don't know where the fuck he's going, just rollin
lookin for the one they call Eazy
But here's a flash, they never seize me
Ruthless! Never seen like a shadow in the dark
except when I unload, see I'll get over the hesitation
and hear the scream of the one who got the last penetration
Give a little gust of wind and I'm jettin
But leave a memory no one'll be forgettin
So what about the bitch who got shot? Fuck her!
You think I give a damn about a bitch? I ain't a sucker!
This is the autobiography of the E, and if you ever fuck with me
You'll get taken by a stupid dope brotha who will smother
word to the motherfucker, straight outta Compton

Chorus:

[City of Compton, City of Compton]

[Damn that shit was dope!]

Mr. Joshua:
Shut up.

Godzilla:
No.

Mr. Joshua:
I have no come back for that. Try again.

Godzilla:
CORRECT! PRESS GO TO DO SOME MORE.

Mr. Joshua:
Where is the "GO" button on my key board. I cannot find it. Maybe I will get a tab.

Godzilla:
I tried that. It didn't work. No tab came out.

Mr. Joshua:
Maybe the pause button will let me take a nap. What do you think?

Godzilla:
Worth a shot. I wonder if pressing the "insert" button will hook you up with the sex.

Mr. Joshua:
I don't think so. But I am hoping that the "end" button will make the work day over.

Godzilla:
Right. Then press the "home" button to be transported to your recliner. Also, the "caps lock" button makes the Capitals win the Stanley Cup, I think.

Mr. Joshua:
Right. Just as "ALT" will transport you to an alternate universe. Oh, and you'll have to press "return" if you want to get back.

Godzilla:
Exactly. I have been pressing the "ESC" button for 5 minutes to no avail. I am still here. Also, the Windows button has failed to provide my cube with any windows.

Mr. Joshua:
That sucks. You know, the menu button does not give me a list of food. This is all Bill Gates' fault.

Godzilla:
I know it. I pushed that button and was expecting at least a wine list. I got nothing.

Also, I pressed the space bar and did not find myself drinking a whiskey sour on the space station. I was very upset.

Mr. Joshua:
I get no F-4 fighter jet when I hit F4 either. it sucks. I could totally go for a fighter jet right now. That would kick so much ass.

Godzilla:
Good point… wait, dude, it's 5 o'clock. Fuck this shit, it's Miller Time.

Mr. Joshua:
Holy shit, you're right!

Godzilla:
It rocks like socks in a box.

Mr. Joshua:
What? Shut the hell up.

Godzilla:
G's up/Ho's down.

Mr. Joshua:
I'm not talking to you any more.