April 2004

Hipsters be Messin'

Godzilla
There's some interesting things here: www.hipstersareannoying.com. Check it out, yo!

Grandpa
OK, OK. Just punching it into my mobile wrist computer….

Godzilla
Are you reading this?

Grandpa
Yeah. There is it!

Godzilla
What do you think?

Grandpa
A bit to narrow and gay for me. I mean, really, why the hell should I care? Most of the hipsters you see are WAY behind the times. The real hip people who are 'hip' have moved on already. There are way more Indy Rock Petes in the crowd.

On another note, fucking New Found Glory is on Radio1 right now, a new single. I think. Fucking Christ how they suck! Their music is for ten year olds. Oh shit! My ears are bleeding.

Godzilla
No, you're totally right. And you're BBC point really brings it home. When New Found Glory fans start buying trucker hats at Old Navy, it's over and done with. Besides, that whole thing hasn't really been "hip" for a year or 3.

Still, looking like a dirtball never goes out of style. But you have to really mean it. The way I see it, most "scenes" devolve into a fashion show after a while. That's when you know it's done and dumb.

Grandpa
Striving to be hip is a losing proposition, really. If you are not the one being copied, you are just wasting your time. Being a scumbag, however, is awesome because it's from the heart.

I know that I am hella good at dressing like Freeloader, but Scumbag is another thing altogether. It's a different level. The older and more married I get, the less Scumbag I am. However, I do like to pick my nose and wipe it on public railings. But really, I'm just barely holding on to the dream.

As for being a hipster like you or my brother (or as much as a hater as either of you), I am way behind as well. That's why I am going to buy a Pet Shop Boys CD this weekend. I might as well go for closeted-gay-husband if I cannot be a hipster.

Godzilla
Whatever. My wardrobe is pretty un-hipster. I'm not really much of a hipster, as I don't have the patience for much of a social scene. I just have good taste and live in a cool neighborhood and drive a VW.

But really I just watch a lot of TV.

Also, I said "dirtball," asshole. Scumbags hit on the brides at weddings. Dirtballs sleep in bars.

Justy is a total hipster. And he'd better be careful. 'Cuz like you said, tryin' to be cool is for gaylords. If he wasn't inherently cool, I would so call him a poser.

Also, gaywad, it should be pointed out that I have a minor Hall & Oates problem. I could justify that as being all hipstery, but I just say that, "I can't go for that" is a cool song. I tend to view "hispter" as an insult. It's, like, a shade away from poser as far as I'm concerned.

But seriously, Dirtball Forever is something I can only aspire to.

NOTE FROM THE EDITORS: This would have been far more interesting and involved, but Godzilla and Grandpa don't really care about stupid hipster white kids, their iPods, or Friendster.com. The Editors feel old and cranky.