Dear Diary: 5/4/00

As early as 8:30 am this morning, today promised to be a good day. I knew that no AK use would be required after what I witnessed this morning. I was in the car on the way to work and some elementary school kids gave me the finger! It was awesome.

Check it out: these two kids were sitting in the back seat of a school bus. They had their legs out in the aisle. They were "scratching" their legs with their middle fingers. Ah, the thrill of danger! They were too busy giggling and staring elsewhere to notice my thumbs up.

If I had been in my convertible I would have pulled up right behind them in a manner that the bus driver couldn't see, because I wouldn't want to get these two geniuses in trouble. I would have given them the finger right back to shock them. They probably would erupt into a fit of giggles. Then I would have started to make faces at them. Copious thumbs up would be involved as well, possibly surfer "hang 10" signs and so forth. But this could only go on for so long as I cannot tolerate being behind a slow-ass school bus on an interstate highway. I would have swerved into the next lane and gunned it. Well, maybe not. Maybe I would have just pulled up next to the rear window, beckoned them to roll it down, and start yelling, screaming, and whooping it up like a jack ass.

Now that would have been truly awesome.

Then I got a love letter and it all went down hill. You would think a love letter would brighten my day. I thought, "man this could be icing on the cake after getting pegged off by 8 year olds!". Then I saw that it was from a dude I know. Dang. Then I thought, "Hmm, maybe it’s some good porno." So I opened it up. Nothing happened. Then I figured it out. My computer had contracted virtual VD. Dammit, a virus. I’m sure you heard about this one. It’s truly a pain in the ass. The "Love Bug" virus decided that it would erase all of my JPEG files. I hear that if I was an MP3-listenin’ nitwit I would have lost all my MP3 files as well. I wonder how long it will take for some crackpot to put forth a music-industry-backed plot conspiracy theory in the wake of the recent MP3.com loss in court? That’s beside the point as far as I am concerned (I think if you’re gonna steal music, at least have the balls to walk into a store and rip it off properly and with honor). The point is that I spent half my day with the IT overseer trying to get this damned virus off my computer. At least I don’t feel so bad since the English Parliament had to shut its servers down because of all of this. I just lost 3 hours of my life that I can never get back.

I don’t understand these knucklehead who make computer viruses. I understand the sense of power that these people might be searching for. But it is anonymous, so what’s the point? How is that power? If I have the power to explode the sun but nobody knows it, what good does it do me? Unless I just want everybody to die, that is. I suppose these virus creators just want to make our lives miserable. The whole point of power is to get your way. Or at least lord it over people. Being anonymous is completely contrary to that. If your going to ruin everyone’s day, and maybe some people’s livelihoods, at least make it a little more worth your while than a sense of satisfaction. I suggest embezzling large amounts of money. And if this is for some reason outside some hackers "code of honor", then feel free to deposit into my bank account.

At any rate, I refuse to let this stupid virus and the subsequent lack of millions of dollars in my bank account ruin my day. I was flipped the finger by two 8 year olds on a school bus this morning. How cool is that? Nobody can take that away from me.