November 2000

D-E-D-I-C-A-T-I-O-N

So, it is Friday night, which is more like Sunday for me, since I work weekends, but have Thursday and Friday off. To the rest of the world, this Friday is like a Friday. But, more importantly, due to the relocation of ERI offices, it is hours before the next edition of Evil Robots will be published.

I have a duty. This duty is 3-fold. First of all, I have a duty to myself. I have pledged to provide quality content to Evil Robots, Inc. for publication. Or at least I hope to get two or more articles out to our CEO and Publisher, Godzilla, of at least a reasonable length. Second of all, I have a duty to Godzilla. This duty cannot be ignored, because he is a big jock and I am but a scrawny nerd. Should I ignore my duty I can expect a jock strap full of Ben-Gay and possibly a swirlie to end all swirlies. Third of all, I have a duty to you, the readers. Both of you. For when you stumbled on this page, or received the update email, I know you rushed to look for articles by Sketchy. How could I look any of you in the eye again if I didn’t deliver? No, it is my duty, and I will fulfill it.

Now, why is this an issue, I hear you asking. It is quite simple. I have an opportunity, tonight, the sacred night before publication, to drink free beer and talk to drunk, impressionable ladies. These, as regular readers of this website know, are priorities to trump all priorities. Save one. My priority to you, the reader.

I hear the party has started. Music is pulsing through the floor. People are talking. Specifically, woman are talking. They are talking about the sweet delicious beer they are tasting. They are talking about how they wish a writer for a small, but monumentally influential webzine would come and talk to them, to elevate the level of discussion, or to giggle mercilessly whenever someone says "butt".

I hear all of this, and I know that this is all nothing but a silent cry from the partygoers. They need me. But my place is here. Writing for you. I know where I am truly needed. For, should I attend the party, I would change the lives of everyone of the party goers. They would know I was there, and their lives would be more kicked back because of it. They too would spread the word. And the world would, in some small way be better. Instead, I turn my attention to you. For you, the reader, are the future of kicked back parties everywhere.

Together, and only together, we can create a world of sombreros, a world of Aloha shirts, a world free from blimp attacks. So, as tonight, I have forsaken taking one single party up a notch, in the hopes that we can take all future parties up several notches, I hope that I have imparted the importance of dedication to purpose. Verily, I see a world where roofs are torn off the mothers all over this great land of ours. It is only through this dedication that vital realness can be kept.

Oh, hey, that’s 500 words, gotta go...