October 2000

Why All Education Should End After High School

I do not live in New York City, but I visit it often. I also spend a lot of time with graduate students. What I have found is that people from NYC look like graduate students, and visa versa. (Editor’s note: We are not certain that the appearance of grad students or their Metropolitan counterparts makes a difference in this crazy world.)

Think about it for a minute. (Editor’s note: This article is meant to assist in your thinking. Continue reading while thinking about the subject.) I want you to think of Y2K (Editor’s note: Please do not confuse with Y2J – Chris "Sunday Night" Jericho and I are not on speaking term right now,) not 1875 or 1947. Think of every midtown and below dance club or coffee shop. Think of the e-business fashion on headline news. Think of the ‘off-duty’-yet-‘on-duty’ celebrity walking his/her twelve dogs. Think of the affluent city folk with money and disdain to burn. Then go to a graduate school. (Editor’s note: You should not attend graduate school for any reason.)

1. Grad students are mostly thin, just like New Yorkers.
2. Grad students eat at terrible hours and still look thin, just like New Yorkers.
   
3. Grad student girls need to eat more, just like New Yorkers.
   
4. Grad student girls are always hiding raisins, just like New Yorkers. (Editor’s note: To alleviate this problem, keep women out of cold rooms.)
   
5. Grad student guys love that ‘I slept in my clothing’ look, yet trim their facial hair every morning and gel up their head before combing, just like New Yorkers.
   
6. I do not want to talk to grad students, or New Yorkers. (Editor’s note: We do not suggest discriminating against New Yorkers, only graduate students.)

I must admit that this is not always true.(Editor’s note: Many Truth’s are truer than others. Please use your own discretion.) As I write this, I see two guys standing around a copier. One looks like a New Yorker, and one looks like a foreman at the Nerd-factory. The Nerd variable can be overwhelming in the more nerdish schools. But the presence of raisin smugglers can eliminate all nerd-types. That is a product of evolution. (Editor’s note: Previous sentence not applicable in Kansas.)

Like many trends, this will pass.

Graduate students in the future may become more free thinking, but I doubt it. New Yorkers may stop being so damn bossy, but I doubt it. Maybe, one day I will visit a city more influential than New York, but I doubt it. (Editor’s note: While we are long time fans of deconstruction, this monthly e-zine does not have the time nor the readership required for such an undertaking. We will, for the time being, only deconstruct one sentence at a time.)