October 2000

The World's Most Insightful (or Inciteful) Roundtable Discussion
The McLaughlin Group Can Kiss Our Asses

What follows is the transcript of what can easily be described as the most brilliant discussion ever held between human beings. The topic of this discussion is forging new frontiers of the English language- specifically in terms of word usages unthought of until now. The roundtable was moderated by Evil Robots CEO and Co-Founder, Godzilla. The participants are select members of the Evil Robots extended family.

Godzilla
I challenge you to use the word "ass" as an adjective as much as possible. By this I mean that you should be saying that things are "assey" whenever possible (but not always as is appropriate).

For instance: This heat today is assey.

or

Man, that lunch sure was assey.

I also intend to venture into new linguistic territory by using "ass" as a verb. Oh, I'm gonna ass all over the place.

Mr. K
Sure, ass as an adjective is not much of an ass problems. But ass as a verb, what does it to mean to ass. Obviously it is not to ass shit, as that is rather redundant.

Mr. H
For months now, I've thought the adverbial form was the bee's knees. Things at work went pretty assly this morning, so I'm a gonna go get lunch and hope it's all better in an hour.

Mr. V
Are you sure that you even used it as an adverb?

Mr. H
Um… rummaging through my notes to see what I said… Sure. "Assly" modified "went". Or, if you prefer, one can say, "I walked assly down the street, assing my assey goods for all to see." Happy now, nitpicker?

Mr. V
Ass off, you ass-head. If I weren’t assin’ around here in my office, I would set to assin' your ass.

So there.

Mr. H
You just go back to twaddling yer ass-o-matic, assboy! And when I want your opinion, I'll ass for it.

Yeah.

Take that.

Godzilla
Ass off, you assholes!

I'm talking about "assey" here, not "assly". "Assly" is the most stupid word I ever heard (and that's true because it rhymed). Can't you people stop being so assey and just recognize my superior grasp of pejorative grammar?!

Don't act so assly you assey 'tard! Or I'll ass you up but good!

Kudos on the proper use of "ass" as a verb. Mr. H gets a prize.

Mr. H
Yay!

Mr. V
Does word really rhyme with heard?

Mr. H
Again with the nits!

I sentence Mr. V to the galleys!

Mr. V
Take away his prize

Godzilla
Will do. Only a loser thinks he's a winner. Mr. H’s prize is hereby revoked.

Don't you people have assey work to do?

Mr. H
Naw. Here in Asslandia, I have ass-all to do 'cause the ass I'm training assed off to lunch before he was properly ass-imilated.

So I'm talking with you guys.

Sketchy
I think this is a record in the level and quantity of inanity. We are evil geniuses!

Godzilla
I thank you gentlemen for this conversation concerning the grammatical implications of "ass". It has been most ass-tastic and enlightening.