January 2002

Red Means Throw

WASHINGTRON, DC- In a completely unexplained press release this week, Evil Robots, Inc co-founders Godzilla and Grandpa issued a list of "the best things to wing at a stop sign from a moving car".

Media analysts have been unable to even venture a guess at the motivation of this statement, except for maybe boredom. Extreme boredom.

"What kind of people would actually make a list of the best things to throw at stop signs from moving vehicles?" experts at the New York Times wondered aloud to the Washington Post. "Did they just make this up, or was there extensive testing? Could this have been averted if we weren't too stuck up to publish comics?"

Stop signs in the Baltimore/Washington Metropolitan Area indicate that there was extensive testing.

The statement declares that the items in the list are in no particular order, to avoid "an all-star punch-a-thon". The list appears as issued below:

• Watermelons
  
• Bowling Balls
  
• Bullets
  
• Feces
  
• A Skunk
  
• A Whole Frozen Turkey
  
• Ziplocked bag of blood
  
• Empty beer bottles
  
• A Yield Sign
  
• Judy Tenuda
  
• Jell-O
  
• Thai Hookers
  
• Butterscotch pudding
  
• Green Paint
  
• Giant Lewd Magnets
• The Supremes, in the name of love
  
• The Washington Times

When asked for an explanation of this statement, Godzilla and Grandpa pointed and yelled, "look over there!" and then turned around and ran in the other direction.

Upon being tracked down to the corner of Brown and Newton Sts. in northwest D.C., Godzilla and Grandpa lifted a stop sign out of the sidewalk and assaulted the press corps with it. One reporter was decapitated and another sent to George Washington University Hospital in critical condition.