The Departments of the Army, Agriculture, Education, Environment and Transportation will be combined to create the new Department of Traditional Services. The strange name of the office came to the new Governor in a dream, he claims, on the eve of his swearing into office in early January.

"You see, those agencies have been around forever, and they all do the same thing, really. It's just that they do different things in the same way." The Governor smiled at his wife, who sat in the front row at the press conference, saying "Bob is a man of his word, and he promised to cut spending. This is gonna save us a bunch of money!"

The plan, as laid out by his visibly shaken budget director, Chip DiPaula, involves a three month transition of the five agencies. "The new Traditional Services Secretary would oversee an agency which administers the same services as the five did on their own. The only real change would be the reduction of support staff and deputy-secretaries."

When asked for comment one angry Maryland Democrat hiding out in overwhelmingly Democratic Washington, DC said, "I guess this will require creating a Department of the Army since, as a state, Maryland does not have an Army. What an asshole."

Governor Asslick expects the state to save nearly $3.4 million every year for the next three years. "This is a sure-fire way to stimulate the economy. The state could really use that money right about now."

Many state legislators expressed their opposition to the Governor's plan. State Senate President Mike Miller (D-PG County) said, "Is it really necessary to fire those 150 additional employees? It's not like we pay them that much money... Wait! Did he include the State Militia? Jesus? I know he's a Republican, but is he really that dumb? Christ! The voters of this state are really fucking stupid"

Newly elected Speaker of the House Mike Busch (D-AA County) reiterated Sen. Miller's sentiment. "Fuck that guy!"

Few state employees would speak to reporters on the record. They feared that uttering so much as one word in opposition to the Governor's plan would result in their agency being included in the merger- or eliminated outright.

Governor Asslick sounded confident that he could balance the budget despite the surge in unemployment caused by his resent layoffs. "I figure that when they get jobs, that'll give the economy the jolt it needs. I couldn't do that unless I fired all those people. The new agency will help as well. It's about time someone kicked the state around for a while."

As he walked towards the Governor's mansion, he turned the to crowd of reporters and said, "Hey, it might work, right? And then who's the idiot?"