January 2003

Godzilla and Grandpa; "How you doin'?"

WASHINGTRON, DC/BALTIMORE, MD- "How you doin'?" is the new phrase for 2003, according to some of the country's leading cultural analysts. The phrase, familiar to all Americans, will be the most said phrase in 2003, say Evil Robots co-founders Godzilla and Grandpa.

"Hey, how you doin?" said Grandpa at his announcement yesterday in Baltimore, "I'm doin' fine. Thanks for asking. Tell your wife I said you're an asshole."

In another press conference, held simultaneously in Washington, DC, Godzilla said "After today, the world will not be the same again. I hold here in my hand the plans for a synthetic banana made out of human waste! The Poonana will revolutionize how we eat and the place of apes in our society. Wait! Oh Shit!"

After realizing he had read the wrong notes, he smiled and yelled, "So, how you doin'?"

When asked how they intend to calculate the number of times people will say 'How you doin'?' on a given day, they responded, "It's not important for anyone to calculate anything. Just the fact that you notice people asking you 'How you doin'?' will make a change in every person in America."

Grandpa elaborated, "We want you to be interested in how people are doing in America today. We want you to ask and listen to every reply."

"Yeah, listen to every reply. Take careful notes and keep a record of which people always give you the same answer every day," said Godzilla. "Then stop talking to those people. Then they will realize that you actually care about them. And when they do, they will tell you everything about their lives. The world will be a better place. Or, if you're evil, you can use this newfound source of information against people."

Following the statement in Washington, Godzilla fielded one question: what's the deal?

"What's the deal?" answered sexiest man in America, "That's a pretty insightful and sophisticated question for the New York Post to ask. What a pleasant surpise. Do you need me to speak slowly into the mic? I know you can't read or write. Anyhow, the deal is this: this bullshit is all Grandpa's idea. I said I'd go along with it because promised to give me a taco every time I said "how you doin'". Also, I feel guilty for taking a dump in the glove box of his jeep. But he doesn't know about that, so shut the fuck up or I'll kick your illiterate fucking ass. Also, your comics page is beyond lame. Get out."

Grandpa and Godzilla did not tell any reporter how they were doing, but they stayed after the press conference for 45 minutes, taking turns alternately listening to Marie DeJuniver from Fox 5 talk about her boyfriend and staring at her ass.