February 2002

Evil Robots agitated with President; "Let's roll!" is a farce, they say; Become violent

Washingrton DC (ERI)- In the hours following President George W. Bush's State of the Union speech, a small group of local reporters were attacked when Grandpa and Godzilla, Co-Founders of Evil Robots, Inc. threw a reporter at the assembled press corps off the back of a pick-up truck. One reporter, besides the one thrown, was injured in the attack.

In a statement stapled to the tie of the tossed reporter, Sergio Sugerlicker, Grandpa and Godzilla expressed their anger with President Bush's speech. "Can you believe this guy? It's bad enough that he stole the election, but now he is stealing the catch phrases from deceased cartoon characters, too! When Bush said 'Let's roll!' during his damn speech, we both shat in our pants with sheer rage."

In another statement, found epoxied to Mr. Sugarlicker's armpit, they continued, "Everyone knows that Optimus Prime said 'Let's roll!' to the Autobots before they went to war against the Decepticons. There is no way George is even half the leader Optimus Prime was. George is a half-witted trust fund baby! Optimus was a born leader with both mental and physical strength. The President trying to assume the moral leadership of Optimus prime is both absurd and insulting. Insulting to both Optimus Prime and the American People."

No other comments were found on the reporter. He was sent to the George Washington University Hospital for observation. The remaining reporters were treated for shock and exhaustion and given Hi-C brand drink boxes to replenish their depleted natural sugars.

After the paramedics left, another reporter "fell" from a first story window onto the same group of reporters. This reporter had a message from Grandpa an Godzilla written on his forehead. It read. "As we were saying, Optimus was a real war leader. He was trying to save both his people and our planet and was not beholden to the Energon producing industry. Bush, on the other hand, is a pussy. He dodged the draft and joined the Texas Air National Guard. They never fight! Saying you are in the Texas National Guard is like admitting you are a pussy."

"However," continued the statement embossed upon a bowling ball dropped shortly thereafter upon the group of reporters, "we do feel that there is something to be said for Bush being compared to Starscream and Dick Cheney to Omega One Supreme. He was such an evil bastard. And who is the Megatron of this administration? Who is actually in charge? That remains to be seen. We think it might be some oil executive in Houston. Or possibly Lucifer."

An AP photographer snapped a photo of the message and allowed the reporter to wipe the ink from his face. The reporter, Larry Pendiddler, cried and said, "They kept saying over and over again 'This aggression will not stand is a real catch phrase. This aggression will not stand is a real catch phrase.'" Moments before he 'fell' out of the window, they also said, "'Tell them that we are really angry about all this. Then tell them if we don't get some Poly-O String Cheese up in this joint real quick we're gonna play "Let's Roll" bowling with a coupla heads, motherfucker.'"

At midnight, all media outlets issued a statement to Grandpa and Godzilla, asking them to stop throwing reporters at other reporters and offered to take them bowling.

In a relatively calm response to the request, Godzilla said, "Not until we get our String Cheese, you media whores" Then he stole this reporters pen.