February 2003

MTV & VH-1 officially lose licenses to run videos. Must replay same shows all day and night.

NEW YORK, NY-- After months of difficult negotiations with high ranking Evil Robots staff, the Federal Communications Commission announced that popular cable stations MTV and VH-1 would no longer retain permission to air music videos. Their licenses to broadcast videos were revoked due to the networks consistent abuse of FCC laws, requiring music videos to be shown a minimum of 51% of the on-air time of channels with "music" and/or "video" in their names.

Spurred by a recent survey, executives from Evil Robots began lobbying the FCC to revoke MTV and VH-1's licenses. The survey, showed that MTV and VH-1 play music videos approximately 2% of the time. This figure included music clips played during biographies and background music in commercials.

"The Executive Board chose to fight this battle with the Government because we believe in the integrity of television," said Bigfoot, Chair of the Evil Robots Committee on Television Oversight. Last June, they petitioned the FCC for a meeting on the matter, and were initially denied. But after a media campaign and several protests, the FCC agreed to meet with the Board.

"Faced with the mountain of evidence," said Bigfoot, "They had no choice but to revoke MTV and VH-1's licenses. It is the right thing to do."

MTV News Anchor, Kurt Loder said in an interview after the ruling that, "No shit? It's about time. Maybe now we can devote time to more serious world issues. Ask your self, do you really give a shit about 50 Cent or Good Charlotte? No, you don't!"

Anonymous sources at both networks were not surprised. "Hey man, we've been waiting for this one for years. After we did our first Real World season, we realized music was the way of the past. But, no one was ever brave enough to stand up to Martha Quinn and Adam Curry." Another said, "They were always rumors about Mel's plans to change MTV to Bunim-Murray TV. That they'll show up here with guns and shit."

Mel Karmazin, President of Viacom, parent company of both MTV and VH-1 reacted calmly to the ruling. "You can't fight the government. We expected this and we already have a number of possible new names."

Similar name changes, such as the WWF's change to WWE, have resulted in a loss of viewership, but Mr. Karmazin is not worried. "People want to see 'Real Life' and 'Made' and 'Road Rules', and they have only one place to get that. Just because we change our name doesn't mean we are going to lose viewers. That would be giving people too much credit, and I am not about to do that."

Along with revoking the licenses to air music videos, the FCC announced that MTV and VH-1 would now stand for "Monotony Tee Vee" and "Virtual Handjob - One".