August 2001

Grandpa asks people to stop recommending him books

Yesterday, Grandpa, Editor-in-Chief and Co-Founder of Evil Robots, asked people to stop recommending him books they have read.

"I wish to restate my request that people please stop recommending to me books they have read. I am not going to read them," Grandpa said in a prepared statement. "In fact, unless you are prepared to tell me how the story goes and ends, I don't want to hear about it at all."

Grandpa said that he decided to stop reading books before he graduated college. "While in college, I developed a deep hatred for reading books. I don't like the smell of books, nor do I like to look at them."

When asked by a reporter, Grandpa said that he would read magazine articles, or very short stories, but no books.

"I also am becoming very suspicious of comic books!" Grandpa yelled from the window of his Baltimore apartment.

When reached for comment, Godzilla, CEO and Co-Founder of Evil Robots, stated that "books are for chumps. I only read the kind that consist entire of pictures of naked ladies."

Godzilla then hollered "I pity the fool that asks Grandpa to read a book!" out the window of his deluxe apartment-in-the-sky in Washington, DC.