August 2001

Grandpa's Sunglasses are 'Stolen'

Grandpa, Editor-in-Chief and Co-Founder of Evil Robots, came home the other night reporting that his sunglasses were 'stolen' from his car.

The sunglasses, purchased at a 7-11 convenience store four months ago, were seldom used, according to sources close to Grandpa.

"I can't believe they stole my sunglasses!" said Grandpa.

When asked about other items in the car, Grandpa told this source that nothing else had been taken. "Just my sunglasses," he said. Grandpa added that the sunglasses that Bigfoot, his lovely wife, kept in
the car, were left behind.

"Don't you think that's funny?" asked Grandpa. "Why did [they] take mine and not both of ours?"

An investigator, speaking with anonymity, said, "Sure, the bad men broke in and took his sunglasses. Sure."

The investigator added that he was so sure that Grandpa, who claimed to be alone when he found his car had been broken into, had most likely just lost his sunglasses. That investigator did not explain what he meant by any of his comments.

"What? Give me a break! How can you listen to that guy?" said Grandpa, in response to that claim. "I thought this news service was above that sort of thing."

Upon hearing this statement, Godzilla, CEO and Co-Founder of Evil Robots, issued a statement with his theory behind this crime. Godzilla noted that the incident occurred immediately after the fire in the Howard Street tunnel, which is just a few block away from Grandpa's Baltimore residence. "What? You say he lost his sunglasses? Step off, bitch! It could be," Godzilla continued, "that his sunglasses were stolen by mole people who had to flee the tunnel because of the 1500 degree temperatures." He went on to say that, "these mole people were probably too disoriented by the bright Baltimore sun (and I don't mean to imply that the Baltimore Sun is in any way an intelligent newspaper) to think of stealing the bounty of crap littering the floor of Grandpa's Jeep. Also, mole-men are honorable people of the highest personal integrity. Duh."

Grandpa has not yet replaced his sunglasses.