October 2001

'We wanted to bomb Afghanistan since before it was cool,' says Evil Robots editorial staff.
Claim President Bush is 'co-opting' their style.

Washington DC- In two messages given to a reporter yesterday, the editorial staff of Evil Robots clarified their policy about bombing Afghanistan.

"I remember talking with Godzilla, like, five years ago," said Grandpa, Editor and Co-Founder of Evil Robots, Inc. in a message left on this reporters answering machine yesterday evening. "We were looking at a map of the world making a list of the top ten countries we wanted to bomb. Afghanistan was number one on our list."

"We wanted to bomb Afghanistan since before it was cool." Grandpa continued.

In a related statement moments earlier, Godzilla, CEO and Co-Founder of Evil Robots, screaming from his apartment window, after dumping a pot full of still warm home made Play-Doh on the head of a passing news anchor. "Grandpa and I have been calling for the bombing of Afghanistan for, like, five years. I can prove it, you jerk!"

Godzilla provided the press corps with a document time stamped October 21st, 1996, with a list of the top ten places he and Grandpa wished to "bomb into the stone age" when they had what they called, "total control."

THE LIST:
1. Afghanistan
2. France
3. Degrassi Junior High (Not the street, just the junior high)
4. Mexico
5. England
6. Your mom
7. The Lifetime Network
8. Col. Decker
9. Canada
10. France (again)

"President Bush is co-opting our style." Yelled Godzilla, dumping a bag of used kitty litter out the window in a way that implied he was pretending to vomit it, "He thinks he can be cool like us. But you know what? He's not."

Grandpa left another message on this reporters answering machine almost immediately after he left his first message. Sounding calmer, he said, "I am sick of being co-opted all the time by President Bush."

"Yeah," Godzilla added, somehow. "He totally co-opted our 'Reading is for suckers' program. When was the last time he read a book? And when he pretended to read David McCullogh's "John Adams" doesn't count."

Godzilla and Grandpa both swear to start co-opting the President by sending love letters to the First Lady and by formally inviting Don Rumsfeld out for dinner next week.

"Two can play at this game." Said Godzilla, in a prepared statement, which was written on his bare stomach with a purple magic marker as he ran down Pennsylvania Avenue wearing his matching "cape and sombrero of freedom".