October 2002

Grandpa Remains Silent About Lunch, ERI Staff Assumes Something Questionable Occured

BALTIMORE, MD-- Staff at the Evil Robots, Inc. offices in Baltimore were surprised today when Grandpa did not explain, in detail, how much he enjoyed lunch. People fear he may be sick, or on the verge of being sick.

At approximately 12:30 pm on Wednesday, Grandpa ate a 12-inch ham and cheese submarine sandwich from Wawa. He eats a similar sub every day at the same time each Wednesday. However, he did not regale the office staff with the familiar details of the lunch.

"Usually he comes to our section around 1:30 and says 'How was your lunch?' and them tells us, for about fifteen minutes, about how much he loves eating his Wawa sub," said one anonymous staff member, "If he was not the co-founder and our editor-in-chief, I would say something. Or punch him."

Another staff member commented on Grandpa's ritual, "Dude, on the Wednesday afternoon mail run, we all know not to ask Grandpa 'How's it going?' because he WILL tell you."

The same staffer continued, "But this day was all unusual. I was a little baked, so I actually asked him how he was, and the only thing he said was, 'Fine.' I almost shit myself."

The sub in question- a ham and cheese twelve inch sub from Wawa- according to our sources, is topped with tomato, lettuce, pickles and mayonnaise. He eats the sub with a bag of sour cream and onion chips and a large coke. While eating, people hear him talking to himself, usually about how much he likes the sub.

Grandpa could not be reached for comment, but his wife, Bigfoot, said that they ate lunch together that afternoon and that he was "performing normally" and was "never better." According to her, Grandpa asked her to have lunch with him in the office because of an "unspecified emergency."

When reached for comment, Godzilla, co-founder and CEO of Evil Robots, Inc., said, "Huh? They had a nooner in the office! What the fuck? He's off having a lady taco for lunch and all I have is this lousy chicken salad sandwich?! Fuck that guy!" Godzilla was particularly upset because he "has to sit on those chairs, too."