September 2003

Senator Gronk Gets Dunk at the Pig Roast and Tosses a Neighbor Kid in the Pool

The esteemed Senator Gronk (G+T, NY) made a short but busy visit to Grandpa's Brother's Annual Pig Roast this past August in upstate New York. He came late and left early, but Sen. Gronk did not waste what little time he had available to entertain and amaze the Pig Roast Attendees.

The Senator arrived in the early afternoon on that beautiful August Saturday with at least two companions, and his trusty side-kick, Travel Dog. With the expectations following last year's accomplishments, he appeared slightly somber to many to the guests expecting a more vibrant entrance. "I don't know what was up with him," said Grandpa. "I expected him to arrive drunk. I guess he may have been stoned. It was a let-down."

Throughout the afternoon, Sen. Gronk played a number of volley-ball games with a couple dozen guests. He, along with everyone else, drank to keep the game lively. Although he was slowly building up his strength for later in the evening, there were a greater number of people upset that he had not made his mark on the event just yet.

"It was a bummer, man." Remarked Evil Robots' own Shlomo. "It's like, you know, a bummer to be waiting for something that doesn't happen the way you hoped. It's times like these that make me wish I had become a Catholic when I had the chance."

But, after the massive volleyball tournament had ended, Sen. Gronk took the dreams and wishes of his loyal constituents to heart, and went searching for a drunken misadventure. He found his by the swimming pool.

A neighbor kid, age seven, named Rick, was familiar to Gronk. The Senator and Rick's father went to University together in the 1970's. Rick and Gronk spoke together briefly, and without warning, Gronk lifted Rick above his head, and tossed him into the pool. Rick was not harmed. The tossing left him wet, and a bit frazzeled. He also lost a tooth.

"Holy Shit!" Cried Mr. Joshua. A small crowd gathered together in disbelief. They repeated Mr. Joshua's words over and over again. They also laughed.

As word of Senator Gronk's mischief spread around the party, people began to relax knowing that their elected representative had preformed his civic duty as promised. Later that evening, Senator Gronk took a nap in a wet and muddy ditch, but no one noticed because Evilrobots co-Founder and CEO, Godzilla, was busy spreading filth around the bonfire in Gronk's honor.

Gronk apparently was dragged from his cozy ditch and locked in the trunk of his sister's car.