October 2003

Godzilla Confronts Racist Zebra in South Carolina

On his recent vacation, Godzilla, CEO and Co-Founder of Evil Robots, Inc., had a 30 minute argument with a racist zebra while visiting South Carolina's cultural and economic capital, South of the Border on I-95. The zebra, a permanent employee of the establishment, could not be reached for comment (as it is made out of plaster), but was seen by reporters in the days following the frackas.

According to Godzilla, the zebra saw him with some friends, called him over, and started what he though was going to be a normal conversation. "I mean, he started out with this crap about the economy, then he went too far," said Godzilla, choking a stuffed zebra he recently purchased at a Discovery Channel store.

The zebra then made a coy reference to his girlfriend, a woman of partial African decent, using not only "the N-word", according to Godzilla, but also other, more antiquated terminology.

"That damn zebra called my lady a 'sexy jigaboo'! First of all, who the hell does he think he is, and who uses that word? Really, what the fuck is up with that damn zebra!?" Godzilla said, now ripping the stuffing out of his zebra.

Friends travelling with Godzilla recall the event, but they did not hear the conversation. One friend stated, "We think it's best to leave Godzilla by himself at times like this. He can take care of himself. Also, he's completely insane. It's kind of scary, actually."

When reached for comment, one South of the Border official, South Carolina governor Mark Sanford, was not able to shed much light on the situation. "Yeah," he said, "I recall the incident". It was a Thursday night, so I was on parking lot patrol in the security golf cart. I remember seeing this crazy guy screaming at the plaster zebra outside the Africa Shop. He kept calling it a racist, then became completely enraged and told it that he fucked its mother. That happens all the time around here. I don't think that zebra's actually a racist- I think it just don't it likes yankees much."

In a unsolicited phone call, Grandpa, Editor-in-Chief and Co-Founder of Evil Robots revealed that Godzilla had, in fact, slept with that zebra's mother. "He totally fucked that whore," he said. "I read it in his memoirs- there's a whole chapter on it."