December 2001

Grandpa and Godzilla Desecrate Metro; Barf in Bomb-Proof Garbage Cans

WASHINGTON, DC- After a long evening of drinking, the two co-founders of Evil Robots, Inc.., Grandpa and Godzilla, were reported to have desecrated the bomb-proof garbage cans in the DC Metro, witnesses say.

According to eye witness reports, the stumbling pair entered Metro Center in Washington, D.C., at approximately 12:45 pm in the direction of the Red Line tracks. The two argued for nearly a minute before Grandpa leaned over a trash can and vomited.

"That one guy in the maroon leather jacket just leaned over and puked in the can. Then he pointed at his barf and yelled, 'There it is, give me twenty dollars!' Then the taller guy in the black leather jacket punched the other guy in the stomach and yelled 'Do it again, you filthy whore, only this time make it pretty!'" said one shaken-up witness.

Another witness overheard them arguing about food. It seems that Godzilla accused Grandpa of eating french fries with his dinner, a fact which Grandpa vehemently denied.

When pressed for proof, according to the witness, Grandpa agreed to empty to contents of his stomach to prove his point. "Apparently, a bet was made," said the witness, "so Grandpa just barfed in that can. I was shocked. He did not even stick his finger down his throat."

Upon inspection, the vomit turned up no bits of french fries, but there were many tiny bits of onion rings. "Grandpa shoved a piece of onion ring in Godzilla's face and hollered, 'Gimmie twenty big ones, bitch!' That is when the big guy punched him in the gut."

In a statement to the press written on his middle finger, Grandpa, stated, "I was wearing the maroon leather jacket. I look cool in it."

When asked why Godzilla owed him twenty dollars for vomiting into a garbage can, Grandpa said, "That is none of your business, a-hole! Get away from my car." As he drove away, he rolled up the statement, stuffed it in a bowling ball, and dropped it out of the window of his car.

Godzilla, who had been sleeping under the bridge on 16th St., NW over Piney Branch Parkway, which he described as "luxurious digs for a hobo", said, "Sure, I punched him. He asked for it. Maybe you would care for some of this home cookin' too, dickhead."

The word about the possible feud between the two publishing giants started a buzz among the Washington, DC press. Within hours of the release of Grandpa's statement, a roving band of reporters camped out at Godzilla's Washington apartment complex hoping to get a statement from the man himself.

After a three hour self-imposed exile, Godzilla emerged from his complex and said, "What the hell are you doing here? Get out of here, you lousy horse thieves, before I call Sheriff Lobo!"