March 2004

Godzilla Reacts Violently to Grandpa's Violent Flatulence

Filed at 2:40 p.m. ET

WASHINGTON - Evil Robots CEO and Co-Founder Godzilla said Tuesday he would have acted quicker against Grandpa's wicked stinky farts if he had information before he got into Grandpa's car, and known that a fart attack was imminent.

``We have been keeping an eye and nose on Grandpa, ever since those attacks,'' Godzilla said.

In his first direct response to criticism raised in an e-mail by Grandpa's wife, Bigfoot, Godzilla denied that he ignored her warnings and the threat of Grandpa's gas before the fart attacks while rushing to control the CD player.

``The facts are these, Bigfoot briefed me on a regular basis about the stinky fart threat to the front and back seats of the car, and had I had any information that Grandpa was going to fart attack the car at that exact time, I would have acted,'' Godzilla said. Bigfoot is an Evil Robots contributor.

Godzilla also expressed concerns both with next weeks three hour trip to Eastern Pennsylvania and a threat by Grandpa to eat bean and broccoli burritos against the wishes both Bigfoot and the Godzilla.

``I worry about Grandpa's ass targeting his passengers,'' he said. ``It is still a serious threat because of what we stand for, and how well our noses work. His ass still wants to melt our nose-hairs. And so whether it be a burrito threat or Polish sausage, we take it very seriously.''

Godzilla urged restraint on both sides in the Grandpa-Everyone Else dispute and said he was planning to keep the passenger window down try to prevent the silent-but-violent danger ``if Grandpa does not begin announcing his farts.''

``I am also committed to finding a fart-announcing solution for the good of the car, a fart-announcing solution for the good of us people,'' Bigfoot told reporters after a meeting with Grandpa.

"Good," Godzilla interjected, "because if I smell your husband's ass one more time I'm going to stab him in the fucking throat."