March 2004

Republican Operatives in the Parking Lot!

Unconfirmed rumors from Alexandria report that Condoleeza Rice and Dick Cheney were spotted in the wee hours of this morning loitering in a McDonald's playground in an apparently inebriated state. According to witnesses, the pair were wearing nothing but what appeared to be jackboots and a single, so-called "power tie" between them as they marched in place offering the Roman salute to the McDonaldsland flag. When asked what he thought the high-ranking officials were up to, one spotty little McDonald's employee allegedly replied, "Well, they kept giggling uncontrollably and offering one another brownies. When they could keep a straight face, they'd serenade one another with verses from Sly & the Family Stone's 'Don't Call Me Nigger (Whitey).' Then they threatened to lock me up in Camp X-Ray if I didn't keep the McGriddles coming."

When asked to comment on the matter later this morning, Ms. Rice is said to have replied, "The Richard and I are just friends. He's a perfect gentleman... Um... Do you have any Pringles?"