April 2004

Grandpa and Godzilla Eat Hot Dogs Simultaneously in Different Time Zones

WASHINGTRON, DC-- On Saturday, April 17th, Grandpa and Godzilla, co-founders of Evil Robots, were reported to have each eaten a kosher hot dog at the same time, albeit in different time zones. Grandpa was at Shea Stadium in Flushing, Queens, NY, while Godzilla was at Wrigley Field in Chicago, IL.

At approximately 2:30 PM, Eastern Time, Grandpa left his comfortable seat in the mezzanine level of Shea Stadium to get himself a kosher hot dog. He and Godzilla both prefer the kosher dogs to the questionably made goyem hot dogs. According to his wife, Bigfoot, and his brother, Justy, Grandpa returned to his seat with a kosher hot dog with mustard on it. Neither recalled seeing any relish on it, nor do they remember any ketchup. Ketchup, being universally recognized as an unacceptable condiment for hot dogs.

After finishing the hot dog, Grandpa used his cellular telephone to call his friend, Godzilla with his news.

At that very minute, Godzilla was in a seat in Wrigley Field in Chicago to see the Cubs take on the Cincinnati Reds. He traveled to Chicago to attend the game with Evil Robots patron Relaxin' Jackson, who has season tickets to anything and everything worthwhile. Godzilla reportedly answered his phone by saying, "This better be vital because I'm chompin' up a kosher hot dog!"

"NO WAY! Me too," squeeled Grandpa. "What's on it?"

"Mustard, dumbass," responded Godzilla.

Upon hearing Godzilla's announcement, Grandpa screamed like a girl. He jumped out of his seat and began to prattle on to everyone within eat-shot about how "they were doing the same thing at the same time" and "this is wicked rad!"

"What a couple of gaylords," said Bigfoot, "I was all tryin' to keep score, and he must have spent thirty minutes talking to his dumb friend about how they are so much alike."

"Totally," remarked Justy, "I felt stupid just being there."

"Yeah," intoned Bigfoot, "I'm getting those sissies matching sticker albums for Christmas."

Other observers did not appear to be impressed either. "Those guys are always eating hot dogs," noted famous Evil Robots food writer Duckfat, "so I bet this happens all the time. I don't know why I agreed to that conference call. They promised me tacos, which never materialized. I hate being the new guy."

Not deterred by the negative reaction from world authorities, Grandpa declared that April 17th will be celebrated annually as "Rad Coincidences Day" by all Evil Robots, Inc., employees.

"This is wicked important to remember how much Godzilla and I are important in all of their lives," said Grandpa to some junkie in a clown suit on the 7 Train.

Godzilla then noted to everyone he knew that he, "totally rode the Brown Line to get to Wrigley. The L has a Brown Line. That's so funny! I love Chicago."

Nobody, except Grandpa, paid any attention to him.