May 2004

Evil Robots Staff Branching Out, Not Breaking Up
We Are Five

Lately Evil Robots staff have been branching out to explore various side projects, sometimes with back-up support from other ERI staff. Among the general public this has started to cause concern. But such concern is misplaced, according to Evil Robots board members.

"Before the paparazzi start swarming, this is not a sign of a break-up," Grandpa stated in a recent press conference, " We're growing stronger together during the time alone. This is a good move for Evil Robots, our readers, and our selves."

Godzilla, standing next to his co-founder, called Grandpa's statement, "classic bullshit," as he popped an obviously disingenuous thumbs up then walked off the stage muttering, "Fuck this, I'm going to the bar".

Justy's side project is the Londoncatfish Blog. The blog is a venue for Justy to explore his daily thoughts, rants, political observations, crazy online quizzes, and too-cool-for-school musical tastes. (He puts even Godzilla's musical elitism to shame, especially considering that Godzilla swears that "I Can't Go For That" by Hall & Oates and "She Blinded Me With Science" by Thomas Dolby are "rad"). Grandpa and Godzilla can often be seen in the background, providing the sort of insightful comments you would expect from the brains behind Evil Robots. Also, Grandpa and Godzilla are way smarter than Justy, who often needs to be taken down a peg by his betters from time to time. Like the time Godzilla and Grandpa put on full lacrosse gear and roughed up Justy in a mall. Or like when they filled the inside of his car with the contents of a Baltimore Roy Roger's dumpster.

Bigfoot, under the pseudonym "Maya", has also ventured out into the blog world as a solo artist (with occasional back-up by Grandpa who also writes under a pseudonym here). Bigfoot's blog is titled Where is My Class? It's a new venture and not yet as developed as the Londoncatfish Blog, but we have faith that she can swing some time from her busy schedule to post thoughts more frequently & that the fanbase will support her in this effort.

Godzilla has committed to spend more time on assignment, exploring locales as varied as roadside tourist traps, like South of the Border and Philadelphia, and worthwhile locations "almost too far from the east coast to be worth a damn" like Chicago and Austin, TX. He has reported plans to be found passed out on a beach on numerous occasions in the coming months. His performance art piece entitled "Get Out of My Way, Tourists!" is currently on tour across the DC Metrorail system. Godzilla is considering adding a t-shirt that says "Welcome to DC, now go home" to his usual yelling and shoving performance. Finally, the Evil Robots CEO also adamantly asserts that "blogs are for gaywads".

Meanwhile, Grandpa is working on sculpting personalized butt-shaped indents on seating throughout the United States.

But, again, no one should fear a break-up. There's plenty of love to go around. Justy's been working on his side project the longest and his contribution level hasn't slacked off a lick. Has it, Justy?