Summer 2004

Former Governor and State Press Corps Make Sitting Governor Look Like a Fool; "It was too easy!"

Towards the end of an unusually short Board of Public Works meeting in Annapolis, MD on Wednesday afternoon, Comptroller William Donald Shaeffer digressed from the hearing schedule to make one of his now common rants. This month, he had a bone to pick with AM-radio. The former-Governor called "talk-radio" a "forum for idiots to reach out to morons!" Then, after mumbling a comment towards a radio reporter in the front row, continued by saying "the jack-ass radio does nothing more for society than give white man a place to feel comfortable after their 40th birthday!"

Shaeffer's remarks, which often digress from the BPW's order of business, came towards the end, when the Comptroller appeared to notice a radio station's reporter in the crowd. It was not clear what instigated the comments.

In recent months, Shaeffer has complained about the non-English writing on McDonald's carry-out bags, the size of Viagra pills, and the lack of "leggy, young" reporters in the State House press corps. The comments on their own had been laughed at by most Marylanders, but he has recently found an ally defending his remarks: sitting Governor Ehrlich.

In previous months, Maryland's Republican Governor, after sensing objections to Shaeffer's comments from local print media reporters, was quick to stand by the Comptroller. "Talk radio," said the Governor, "does not play fair. They are fast and loose with the facts." Ehrlich, who appears on most local talk radio stations on a daily basis, had been friendly with radio since his inauguration. His unusual comments shocked the talk radio community.

"He said what?" shrieked WBAL radio host Chip Franklin, "After all the glorious head we've given him! It's as if all that oral was for nothing! You know, that's loyalty in America these days! Regular guys like you and me are forever discarded by politicians trying to play to the liberal media." Mr. Franklin proceeded to eat his microphone.

Apparently, this turn of events was not as organic as it seemed at first. "This is excellent," said Baltimore Sun reporter David Nitkin. "Me and some other reporters decided to be appalled by everything the Comptroller said, just to see if Bobby would bite. He is such a moron!"

Matt Mosk from the Washington Post added, "Last week, the Governor saw me getting a Pepsi out of the soda machine. Then, later that week, he had that machine removed from the building. I think he cited childhood obesity rates or something."

When told of the apparent prank being pulled by the State House Press corps, an Ehrlich spokesperson, Fundy DeLeverman said that the Governor had "an independent mind, one not easily swayed by the liberal media or the former Governor." DeLeverman starred at this reporter, possibly looking for a reaction, then said, "C'mon! At least roll your eyes or something! What am I going to tell the Governor?"

The reports of Nitkin, and those other State House reporters, appear to confirm some rumored sightings of Governor Ehrlich this summer, hiding behind desks and under tables listening to private conversations between reporters, and running away, holding his toupee to his head and giggling.