September 2004

Evil Robots Staffer Justy Goes Missing

ALBANY, NY- After four weeks of calling and stopping by his apartment, friends and family of Evil Robots Contributing Writer Justy have called for an investigation into his disappearance. The 26 year-old Schenectady native's parents suspect foul play may have been involved, but some of his friends think he is not good at returning phone calls. They all hope that a wider media campaign will either find his mangled, probably sodomized body, or encourage him to answer his phone.

Sources close to the new police investigation claim that Justy was last seen over Labor Day weekend talking about having a long, lost twin brother. Justy's parents deny ever having given away or losing a child, but recalled that the day Justy was born that they were both heavily sedated. Sources say Justy's mother could have given birth to triplets and never noticed. Police are treating every lead as plausible and serious.

"Y'know," said Evil Robots co-Founder and CEO Godzilla, "I was talking to Hobo Dan just the other day, and he said the Justy is doing fine. He didn't think there was any reason for people to be worried. After all, Hobo Dan follows the Hobo Code, so he'd never lie. Hobos don't lie, they split town on the next freight train."

"This has never happened before. He's wicked good at returning calls," said a friend of Justy, who drank regularly with him. "I don't even think he slept much. If I accidentally called him at three in the morning, he'd pick up immediately and would yammer on for, like, an hour. He's a whore for tellin' people about his problems."

The family of Justy, along with the Evil Robots Corporate Fund, have offered a reward of one million tacos for the safe return of Justy. People with any leads should visit www.wherethehellisjusty.org. The police are monitoring the leads that come through the web site. Police and family have asked that no one make any phone calls with information.

"We hope that our little boy will return safe and sound," said Justy's Dad, Dr. Santa. "He owes me five bucks."