The Burger King, in the midst of his first trip to the U.S. in
10 years, acted decisively to restore order to his beleaguered military
today, but demoting a national hero for "conduct unbecoming".
"At 2100, I, after conferring with General Mills, signed the
order that will demote Colonel Sanders to the rank of 2nd Lieutenant,
and have opened a court marital to determine if any further disciplinary
action is required. I hope that this long national nightmare can
be put behind us."
After making this statement, the king refused to answer questions,
citing the open investigation.
The colonel is the highest ranking officer in that nation's military
to have been implicated in what many political scientists are referring
to as a coup by humiliation. This was a grass roots movement, on
the part of the military to undermine the royal government by acting
ridiculous in public. The hope of this movement is to show that
the government has lost control and should be replaced by a military
dictatorship.
The first such incident was when a Captain James T. Crunch led
his entire unit through a "war games" drill. The soldiers
were armed with spitballs and "cootie protectors." Escalation
included an entire platoon wearing tutus for a Royal Review. The
culmination came when the Colonel received that nation's highest
award, and responded with, "Go Colonel, Go Colonel" while
performing a "cabbage patch."
When asked for comment, the colonel responded with, "I can
do that, I'm the colonel." His lawyers then led him away.
