Press Release March 20, 1999:

Annapolis, MD- At a press conference late this afternoon, Evil Robots, Inc. (ERI) Founder and CEO "Godzilla" has announced an interesting set of figures in regards to his weekend road trip from Baltimore, MD to Miami, Fl.

Mr. Godzilla estimates that between leaving Baltimore on Friday afternoon at 2 PM and arriving back in Richmond on Monday morning at 2 am he traveled approximately 2000 miles within a span of 60 hours, thus making his average velocity of his physical body approximately 33 miles per hour for the entire duration of the weekend.

Mr. Godzilla was traveling with fellow ERI executive board member Dr. Sketchy and Official Tag-A-Long "Ms." S, who also happens to be trying to "weasel her way onto a corporate board that she doesn't quite seem to understand. We're not kidding, we have an actual commercial function!" said a screaming Mr. Godzilla as he was trying to figure out how to get out of his car this morning. Once he was out of his vehicle, Turbo, however, he did admit that one division of the corporation is solely intended for "very important pointless travel, Action Relaxin' ^®, if you will", and that "Ms." S was more than aptly qualified to land an Executive VP position within the division, adding "if she doesn't fuck up, that is."

Mr. Godzilla estimates that Dr. Sketchy and "Ms." S also maintained an average velocity of 33 miles per hour for the entire duration of the weekend, despite having been in the car for 4 less hours than Mr. Godzilla. He attributed this anomaly of mathematics and all know science to Richmond being located 150 miles south of Baltimore.

Following his announcement, Mr. Godzilla made an unintelligible comment about being overly caffeinated and attempted to slaughter several of the members of the press in attendance with a knife, his speaker phone, and two 25 pound binders that he claimed were his sent email messages for the previous week.

--Godzilla