On this page we shamelessly follow the blog trend. In our defense, we needed a place to put down all our lame ideas that we couldn't even flesh out into full lame pieces. Enjoy our random thoughts, bottom to top.

Also, please see Justy's un-lame LondonCatfish Blog.

07/29/04 Godzilla
Dick Morris is a bloated weasel and I want to punch him in his nasty little mouth. I really need to stop watching FOXNews before I have a stroke.

07/27/04 Bigfoot
Five Ways to Sound Smart & Say Nothing
What follows are five statements to drop in conversation that further the cause of making you sound intelligent while doing nothing for the conversation itself:
1. Your studies seem akin to Casaubon's.
2. My ancestors wrote many treatises on that topic.
3. Univision qua Univision is a rather postmodern experience.
4. Your concept would be well served with a Socratic re-framing.
5. Without presenting a weighted cross-tabulation, it's all idle chatter.

07/23/04 Chimpy
As the staff of ERI have noted time and again, sports announcers constantly give us the chance to snicker at what they say. While watching a basebal game recently, I heard them say the following: "...and then he backdoors a slider." I nearly snarfed the beer through my nose, but then I remembered how much it cost.

07/21/04 Chimpy
While sitting in a bar recently, I overheard a woman say the following to a small cluster of men around her: "I think I need to be, like, scientifically examined--probably, because I'm a Libra." I almost threw up my beer back into my glass, but then I remembered how much it cost.

04/29/04 Godzilla
I thought I'd had it with Starbucks. But now I keep seeing their new ad campaign everwhere I go- subways, airports, trains, buses, etc. You know, the ones where they tell you how to drink coffee. Like, "tell the server 'with room' so you can put cream and sugar in your coffee." OK, I know how to drink coffee. I'm an adult. And, more importantly, I'm not buying into Starbucks gay-ass lingo. Screw that.

11/03/03 Godzilla
Why is that that every car I see with some sort of "no new taxes" sticker on it also proudly displays a sticker that proclaims "Freedom Isn't Free"? Somebody needs to explain this logical coorelation to me.

10/13/03 Chimpy
Hoo-doogies. Check this out, muddafukkas:

I now know what Rod Stewart is doing these days. I know for a fact that he has combined his DNA with that of a Japanese fashion model who loves to dress like an extra from "The Prisoner" and then got the Japanese government to flood the populace with this spawn. Popular fashions seen on the streets of Tokyo remind me of when we, as confused teenagers in high school, tried to emulate the rebellious and fad-driven nature of the day. The difference in Tokyo is that it's not just people our age who've never grown out of that stage, but it's nearly everyone. Think military surplus meets Pee Wee Herman at his prime, then you'll get the idea.

Apparently, car names are equally irritating and nebulous here in Japan as they are back home. I've seen Lucidas, Cefiros, about 3 Eunos's, Currens, Fairladys, Cynos's, and Vigors. But, to you in the U.S., you might recognize them as Previas, Supras, Miatas, 300ZX's, Paseos, and Civics, among others. The day I figure this out, I'll be emperor, and car names will be the least of your worries.

10/08/03 Godzilla
Bullshit. Grandpa swears like a drunk sailor with tourette's syndrom.

10/08/03 Grandpa
It's official: California is for dumb-asses! I can apprecaite that they are not smart enough to understand what the recall means for their futures, but voting for fucking Arnold? Who the fuck thinks that is a good idea? Morons, that's who.

I don't normally swear like this, but ass fuck shit crap ass vomit booger douche! God Damn! So there is California, way out on the West Coast, it's the 5th largest economy in the world, and it's not smart enough to elect a real person to lead the state! That's what the recall was about in the first place! So they get rid of a flawed, but good Governor, and replace him with an inexperienced ex-body builder who loves Hitler! Fuck those people - all of them, even the ones who voted "NO" on the recall. Each and every person in that stupid state deserves what they get for the next four years. Screw them.

9/17/03 Grandpa
I'm going to Home Depot in the morning (Thursday, Sept. 18th) to get some clear contact paper for a home-craft project. I will be there in the AM with every numb-skull who is looking for batteries and, I don't know, rakes. It'll be a riot, I'm sure. God damn morons.

9/16/03 Grandpa
I order you guys to google "Senator Gronk" - we're, like, the only cats who've ever given him his props. This is wrong. Someone needs to make a web-site dedicated to that great, drunk, man!

9/15/03 Godzilla
Penguins can fly, sort of. They can launch themselves out of the water for about 70-100 feet at high speeds. In fact, their prefered method of attack, though, is to swim as fast as they can then launch themselves at you and stab your heart with their beak. Some of the more aggressive members of the species actually eat your heart right out of your chest using this method.

This is why I don't want to go to Sea World ever again.

9/14/03 Grandpa
This Blog would be much better if we wrote crap to put in it!

9/5/03 Lucky
I am sitting here digesting the latest Beauty Pill ep, called 'you are right to be afraid', and I have to say, it flat out fucking rocks - go buy it now! I mean, if I could play the drums like Ryan Nelson, the pig roast would have been a fucking rock show. Also check out the good flash use on their website...

http://www.beautypill.com

Also, as a note, is the band Juno breaking up? I don't know if I care yet, but their record 'This is the way it goes and goes and goes' is flat out rock.

Finally, next week, Ted Leo (solo) - Black Cat - Wed. - 9:30p - be there! hopefully he will play the Lungfish cover 'To whom you were born.

9/5/03 Gozilla
Penguins can fly, sort of. They can launch themselves out of the water for about 70-100 feet at high speeds. In fact, their prefered method of attack, though, is to swim as fast as they can then launch themselves at you and stab your heart with their beak.. Some of the more aggressive members of the species actually eat your heart right out of your chest using this method.

This is why I don't want to go to Sea World ever again.

8/20/03 Godzilla
Is there really much in this world that is cooler than a black & gold detailed1977 Trans Am? I've been thinking about if for a week, and I don't think there is. Not even a jet black 1983 Trans Am. Man, if I had a Trans Am I would grow the awesomest mullet & mustache as a tribute.

8/17/03 Justy
Just played a set on the guitar last night. I learned that playing guitar and singing songs helps you pick up chicks. Why did that take me so god-damn long to figure out? Anyway, I'm glad I did. I hope playing guitar can help me get Ann Coulter's syphillitic vagina off of the teevee.

8/16/03 Godzilla
Why is it wrong to have hot dogs with your eggs instead of sausage? I don't know why, but it just is.

8/09/03 Godzilla
The whole "metrosexual" is not the dumbest thing I ever heard, but it's close. It also strikes me as the tag of an ameture. The Urban Ninja, apparently, can pass out on the Metro at 2:30 am and still wake up the next morning in his own bed with his pajamas on and his teeth brushed.

I think a more apt definition of "metrosexual" would be somebody who gets off on the Metro, which is fine by me.

8/09/03 Grandpa
The more I listen to the White Stripes' new CD, Elephant, the more I think it's one the best CD's I will ever own.

8/07/03 Godzilla
I am rotten inside. What the hell did I eat today?

8/07/03 Grandpa
Bigfoot, my awesome wife, took me bowling tonight! I did not play all that well, but it rocked!

8/07/03 Grandpa
Maybe I was being a bit harsh on religious people...maybe. They are not STUPID, they only seem so on tee-vee. Religion is best practiced in person, because there is less of a need for make-up, or asking for money.

I suppose it's easy to mistake FAITH as a cover for ignorance, and therein lies my greatest conflict. Religious people with faith think that after all that is knowable comes God (and he/she plays a big part in the other stuff, too.) It's important to note that many intelligent people believe in one God or another (they're all basically the same.) Not able to get inside their heads, I cannot know why they believe in such things. I would like to, tho.

Whatever, really. It's not for me to decide if you should beleive in God or not. I just hope you can keep your God out of my Government. Can you do that? For me?

Oh, you can't! Step outside!

8/06/03 Grandpa
I saw "The Big Lebowski" on USA this monring. Actually, I saw the last 1/3 of the movie, but it was enough to make me happy. "The Dude abides", you know.

In the scene after The Dude was beaten up by the Malibu Police, he is seen riding in the back of a taxi. As he wakes up, he hears The Eagles' "Peaceful Easy Feeling" coming from the car speakers. He asks the cab driver to change the station because he "hates the (peaceful) Eagles!" The cab driver pulls over, forces The Dude from the car shouting something about his "(peaceful) music!" I laughed out loud!

The word 'peaceful' was inserted, for day-time Tee-vee, in place of a curse word - FUCKING! They didn't insert 'freekin', nor did they simply bleep over it, or remove the sound alltogether. They replaced 'fucking' with 'peaceful.' What a hoot!

8/06/03 Grandpa
It's official: I've been unemployed for six months. Am I unlucky or unemployable? Depending on the day, it's really hard to say. Of course, Bush Tax Cut #2 should have created jobs for me, but the trickle down is not trickling as fast as they promised.

I'm thinking about joining one of those get-paid-to-take-surveys things the internet is always telling me to join. All I have to do is give them my credit card #, $34.99, and wait for the $75 per hour tests to start rolling in. Has unemployment made me dumb? or just practical?

I suppose I should be thankful for what I've got, but I'm not that type of person. I am glad I'm married to a terrific woman, and that she has a job, but it's tough to be happy or thankful when you sit at home every day waiting for rejection letters from non-employers. Maybe I need to lower my IQ so I can beleive in religion again.

This morning, the 700 Club (yes, I watch it) ran a piece about this ultra fat guy who lost 100 pounds and gave credit to God (he was overweight because he'd not found God yet.) He had a few buddies, all of whom owe their health, or financial well-being, to God. Maybe I'm just too cynical, but who would those morons blame if they remained ill? Themselves? Satan? Is being self-congratulatory really such a bad sin?

Pat Robertson does less than preach to the 'converted', he preaches to the myopic, dumb and foolish. Whatever, I bet those people can sleep at night. Stupidity has it's advantages.

8/03/03 Grandpa
The Simpsons rerun tonight featured Jackson Browne singing a song to Marge. The song, with words written by Homer, was originally "Rosie." The original song was a tribute to jerking off. It may be the best song about 'flogging the pope' ever written.

"Rosie you're alright/You wear my ring/When you hold me tight/Honey, that's my thing/When you turn out the lights/I've got tohand it to me./Looks like it's you and me tonight, Rosie."

How about that? I guess Marge gives Homer pretty good hand-jobs.

8/03/03 Godzilla
I've seen that McDonalds commercial. It makes me want something... All those girls stuffing Big Mac into their mouths totally gives me a boner. And not a food boner like Grandpa.

8/03/03 Grandpa
Have you seen the new Big Mac commercial on tee-vee? The commercial shows tons of hip 20-somethings eating Big Macs while having fun. They are eating fries right out of the box! This shows the wealth of eating possibilities outside of the eat-in culture of America. It's amazing, but the music is the best. It's a Neptunes-style beat with a guy rapping the Big Mac theme song over it.

Snap!

That commercial makes me want to eat a Big Mac. Damn.

8/03/03 Chimpy
For a guaranteed laugh, put a pair of glasses on a dog, then pretend that he is a respected professor at an Ivy League University. Use your own voice to create an academic-sounding voice, and pretend to dog is giving directions to a college seminar class. Trust me; it's hilarious.

8/02/03 Chimpy
People get dumber just by standing near me.

8/02/03 Chimpy
No one really needs a good reason to give me exorbitant amounts of money.

8/02/03 Godzilla
Shortly after I had tacos for lunch today I emmigrated to the Republic of Turgidstan.

8/02/03 Godzilla
Last night I had to listen to one of the most insipid conversations in the history of mankind. I stepped onto a crowded Metro train at 10 pm. It was full of some of the worst, most boring kind of white people who had just left some fundamentalist christian convention. So I had to listen to these old people talk about the nuances of printing documents from Internet Explorer. There was a slight diversion into bandwidth bit-rates. I had nowhere to go. I couldn't even move. I would have gladly sacrificed my own life to end theirs, as at this point mine was no longer worth living. The only people worse than tourists and eager young interns are conventioneers.

8/02/03 Chimpy
Several cars have very unfortunate names. Like Escort, Hummer, Probe, and Ram.

8/01/03 Chimpy
There's a mattress store near my house called "Mattress Liquidators". Recently, some of the bulbs in the lighted sign were burned out, and all that was left spelled out "Mat Liquors".

7/31/03 Chimpy
Someday, I hope to meet a guy whose last name is "Loudermilk", so that when I get to introduce him to others, I'll get to say, "Hey, meet this guy, Mr. Loudermilk".

7/31/03 Godzilla
The best responses to give when asked "What are you doing?"
1. "Your mom."
2. "The Thing."
3. "Fuckin' shit up."
4. "I am an Apple IIe. I can add, and subtract, the problems on your homework."
5. "Having a psychotic break."

7/26/03 Godzilla
Top five things about Philadelphia:
1. Ben Franklin
2. Cheese Steaks
3. Joan Jett
4. G. Love & Special Sauce
5. ?

7/25/03 Godzilla
I think that Union Station should have masturbation booths so I can kill time waiting for a train. And I should be allowed to masturbate on Metro platforms if I have to wait more than 15 minutes for a train to arrive. If a Green Line train takes 20 minutes to come after a night of drinking, I certainly won't.